Waken the extraordinary person in you

Chapter 3: The Powers That Weave Life

“Life consists of moments of reason,

interspersed with moments of humor and passion.” – Sir Thomas Browne

She had just been walking for about half an hour

when disaster struck.

Suddenly about a dozen teenagers rushed towards her.

Before she could understand what was going on,

she saw the children jump at her,

drag her into a nearby bush

and hit her with an iron pipe.

One of them repeatedly kicked her in the face

until the blood flowed profusely.

Then they took turns raping

and leaving her there to live or die.

This heinous and barbaric story happened

in Central Park several years ago.

I was in New York at the time.

I was appalled by the barbaric attack,

but especially because the attackers were still underage.

All are only 14 to 17 years old.

Unusually, they are not from poor

or troubled families,

but high school students

and members of the Little League brass club.

They are not addicted to drugs,

nor have racist motives.

They attacked for a unique reason: as a joke,

they even gave this play a name:

“violent”.

Less than 300 kilometers away from the capital,

a jet exploded on take-off at the National Airport

during a snowstorm.

The plane crashed into the Potomac Bridge right at rush hour.

Traffic was blocked,

while the rescue of victims was carried out quickly

and the view of the bridge area was a nightmare.

“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.”— Oprah Winfrey

Firefighters and ambulance crews had to work very hard

to save the victims.

There was a man who kept passing oxygen cylinders to others.

He saved many people,

except for his own life.

When the rescue helicopter finally landed on him,

he was already gliding beneath the freezing snow.

He sacrificed his life to save the lives of people who were complete strangers to him.

What motivated him to value the lives of people he didn’t even know?

And he sacrificed his life for those people?

What makes someone

from good backgrounds act barbaric without remorse,

while another dares to sacrifice his life for complete strangers?

What makes a hero,

a villain, a criminal,

or a devoted human being?

What makes the difference between human actions?

All my life I have been constantly searching for answers

to these questions.

One thing is clear to me:

Humans are not random creatures;

Everything we do, we do it for a reason.

We may not be aware of that reason,

but there is certainly always some motive behind our actions.

This power affects every area of ​​our lives

from our relationships to our financial,

physical,

and mental areas.

What force is governing your life now

and will continue to govern your life throughout life?

“You are responsible for your life.

You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction.

Life is really about moving on.”— Oprah Winfrey

************

SUCCESSFUL AND SUCCESSFUL!

Everything we do,

we do with the aim of avoiding suffering and attaining joy.

Understanding and using the forces of pain

and pleasure will allow you to forever create lasting changes

and the good you desire,

for you and your loved ones.

Not understanding this will lead you to a reactionary,

wild lifestyle like animal or mechanical.

This may sound too simple,

but think about it.

Why don’t you do what you know you have to do?

The reason is in your indecision.

You know you have to do something,

but you still hesitate to do it.

Why? It’s because on some level you think acting now

will cause you more suffering than waiting.

However, have you ever experienced that

something you keep putting off from day to day,

suddenly you feel compelled to do it,

to get it done?

What happened?

Then you have changed your assessment of suffering and pleasure.

Suddenly you find that inaction is more painful than postponing action.

“Whoever suffers without needing to suffer,

he suffers more than necessary.”- Seneca

What keeps you from going to the man

or woman of your dreams?

What’s stopping you from starting a business you’ve been meaning to for years?

Why don’t you start dieting?

Why didn’t you finish your thesis?

Why don’t you control your investment project?

What is stopping you from doing what you have to do

to succeed in life the way you desire?

Even though you knew all these actions were in your favor,

you didn’t do them just

because at the time you thought doing them would

cause you more suffering than missing an opportunity.

After all, what if I go to that person and they reject me?

What if I go on a diet, starve,

and still gain weight in the end?

What if I invest money and then lose all my capital?

So what are you trying to do?

For many people,

the fear of loss is stronger than the desire to gain.

What motivates? push you harder:

avoiding someone stealing the $100,000 you have in your hand,

or the possibility that

you could make another $100,000 next year?

The truth is that many people strive to keep

what they have rather than risk getting what they really want out of their lives.

“The secret to success is learning how to use pleasure or pain

instead of letting joy or pain use you.

If you do, you will be in control of your life.

If you don’t, you’ll let life control you.”- Anthony Robbins

An interesting question is often raised in discussions about happiness or suffering:

Why are some people suffering and unable to change?

They have not experienced enough suffering;

they have not reached the emotional threshold.

If you’ve been through a family breakup

and finally decided to use all your energies

to take action and change your life,

it may be because you’ve reached a level of suffering

that you no longer want to suffer.

We’ve all experienced times in our lives that make us say,

“I have to change now.”

This is the magical moment that suffering becomes our friend.

It motivates us to take action

and produce new results.

We are even more motivated to act if,

at the same time,

we anticipate that change will make our lives much happier.

This happens in many different areas of life.

Maybe you feel you’ve reached the threshold

of your physical condition:

you’re too fat, you can’t sit comfortably in a taxi,

don’t fit into your new clothes months ago,

go up and down stairs hard.

Finally you say,

“That’s enough!” and you have a decision.

What was the motive for that decision?

The desire to eliminate suffering in one’s life

and re-establish happiness:

joy of pride,

joy of comfort,

joy of confidence,

joy of living according to one’s intentions.

Life is the most important lesson

Both Donald Trump and Mother Teresa are driven by the same motivation.

You might say, “Are you crazy, Tony?

Those two are as different as day and night!”

Obviously their values ​​are at opposite poles,

but both are motivated by pleasure and pain.

Their lives were made up of what they knew

to bring joy and what they knew to bring pain.

The most important lesson we learn

in life is what brings joy

and what brings pain.

This lesson is different for each person

and therefore our behavior is also different.

With Donald Trump,

all his life he has learned

to achieve pleasure by having the biggest

and most expensive yachts,

buying the most luxurious buildings

and having the best deals.

In short, accumulate the biggest and most expensive toys.

What do you consider to be the most painful for you?

In interviews,

he revealed that the biggest pain in life is having

to be second in anything,

which he considers a failure.

Many of his opponents were overjoyed

to see him suffer

as much of his fortune was destroyed.

This example is not to judge him,

but to help us understand what motivated him,

push him and to somewhat sympathize

with his apparent suffering.

Mother Teresa is the opposite.

This is a woman with a deep concern for people,

making every time she sees someone suffering,

she also feels pain.

Mother was traumatized

by the injustice of the social caste system.

I discovered that every time

I act to help these people,

their suffering disappears and mine goes with it.

For Mother Teresa,

the ultimate meaning of life

can be found in the poorest neighborhoods of Calcutta,

the City of Joy, with millions of hungry, sick people.

For Mother,

joy was in walking through the dark

and stinking alleys of the city

to the squalid huts

and serving the undernourished children,

whose bodies were ravaged by cholera

and dysentery calendar.

I am strongly motivated by the feeling

that when I help others out of extreme poverty,

I ease their own suffering

and help them experience the joy of life.

She learned that dedicating herself

to work for others is the ultimate good;

it gives me the feeling that

my life has a real meaning.

My destiny is formed

the way we think

what is happiness and what is suffering,

A decision that radically changed the quality of my life was that

from a young age I began

to regard knowledge as a boundless joy.

I have found that

if I discover ideas and strategies

to shape my behavior and emotions,

I will have almost everything I want in life.

It can free me from suffering and bring me joy.

Knowing how to uncover the mysteries behind our actions

can help me have better health,

better relationships with the people I care about.

Knowledge gives me something to offer,

an opportunity for me to really give back

to the people around me.

What experiences of pain or pleasure have shaped your life?

For example, if you consider drugs to bring you joy or pain,

it affects your destiny.

Concepts of tobacco,

alcohol,

relationships,

and even concepts of dedication

and trust have the same effect on your destiny.

If you’re a doctor,

it’s clear to you that your previous decision

to become a doctor was motivated

by your belief that it would bring you joy.

“Challenges are gifts that force us

to search for a new center of gravity.

Don’t fight them.

Just find a new way to stand.” — Oprah Winfrey

Most of the doctors I’ve spoken to admit

they take great pleasure in helping others:

relieve pain, cure disease, and save lives.

Sometimes the honor of being respected in society is also a motive.

Think of the limited conceptions of suffering

and happiness by John Belushi,

Freddie Prinze,

Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley,

Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison.

They see drugs as a way out, a quick fix,

a way to free them from suffering

and bring them happiness,

which ultimately destroys them.

They pay the ultimate price

for not properly controlling their minds and emotions.

Think of the example they set for their millions of fans.

I have never tried alcohol or drugs.

Not because I’m smart, but because I’m so lucky.

One reason why I never drink is

because when I was a child,

there were two people in my family

that caused all sorts of bad things every time I got drunk,

which led me to associate drinking

with extreme suffering and angry.

In particular,

I still vividly remember the image of the mother

of one of my best friends.

She is obese, weighs nearly 150 kg

and she drinks alcohol constantly.

Whenever she drank,

she used to like to hold me in her arms.

To this day,

I always get nauseous whenever

I smell alcohol on someone’s breath.

When it comes to drinking beer,

it’s a different story.

When I was about 11 or 12 years old,

I didn’t consider it an alcohol at all.

In fact, my father also drank beer

and didn’t do anything bad.

On the contrary,

having a few beers often makes my father a little happier.

Furthermore, I consider drinking beer to be fun,

because I want to be like my father.

Does drinking beer actually make me look like my father?

No, but we often have false associations in the nervous system like

when we conceive of what is happiness

and unhappiness in life.

One day I asked my mother for “try some beer”.

My mother explained that drinking beer was not good for me.

But my mother’s explanations were futile only

when I had made up my mind

and especially

when it became clear to me that

my father did not do what my mother said.

Words are shaken, mirrors are attractive.

So I firmly believed that

my judgments were more accurate

than my mother’s explanations,

and that day I was convinced that drinking beer was for

me a sign of maturity.

And my mother thought that if

I didn’t let me drink beer at home,

I would definitely try it somewhere else.

My mother ended up saying,

“OK, you want to drink beer like your father?

Then you have to drink completely the way your father drank.”

I asked,

“What’s the matter, Mom?” She replied,

“You have to drink all six cans.”

I said, “No problem”.

My mother said,

“You have to sit and drink right here.”

When I took my first sip of beer,

I found the taste to be bad, not what I had expected.

But my pride does not allow me to admit this.

And I took a few more sips.

When I finished a can,

I said to my mother,

“I’ve had enough,

Mom.” Mom said,

“No, there’s another can,”

and she opened it right away.

After drinking the third or fourth can,

I felt my stomach churn.

And you might as well know what happens after that.

I threw up and threw everything off and filled the table.

It was horrible and even had to clean the dining table.

Since then, just thinking about the smell of beer makes me nauseous

and have feelings of disgust.

So I no longer made mental associations between drinking beer and its meaning,

but I began to associate with emotions in my nervous system,

which is neural association.

From then on, I never tasted even a single sip of beer.

I also never used drugs

because I had a similar experience:

When I was in the eighth or ninth grade,

a police department team came to my school

and showed us movies about the effects of drugs. drug.

I saw scenes of shooting,

death,

pain,

and suicide.

As a teenager,

I associated drugs with evil and death,

so I never tried it myself.

I’m really lucky that the police have helped form a neural association

with pain even at the mere thought of drugs.

So I never thought about trying drugs.

What can we learn from the examples above?

Simply this:

If we associate great pain with any of these behavioral

or emotional patterns,

we will avoid conforming to it at all costs.

We can use this understanding

to arm ourselves with the power of pain

and pleasure for trying to change almost everything in my life,

from my bad attitude to my drug use.

For example,

if we want to prevent our children from getting into drugs,

we must teach them before they experiment

and before anyone teaches them

to associate drugs with pleasure.

“If you suffer from something outside,

you suffer not because of the thing itself,

but by the way you judge it;

but you are always capable of

changing your assessment at any time.” -Marcus Aurelius

Humans are the only species on earth capable of spiritual life,

which helps us not to be dependent on the situation,

but on the contrary,

we give the situation its meaning

and we define ourselves how you feel about yourself

and how you will behave in the future.

One of the abilities that

makes us a special creature is the ability to adapt,

transform, use things

or ideas to create things that are more useful

or enjoyable for us.

Only humans have the ability

to transform their associations,

to turn suffering into joy or vice versa.

Let’s think of the man who went on a hunger strike

to go on strike and go to jail.

On a hunger strike for a cause,

he still lived for thirty days without eating.

His physical pain was great,

but it was more than compensated for by the joy

and value of drawing public attention to his cause.

So, through the power of our will,

we can choose

between the physical suffering of fasting versus the spiritual suffering

of surrendering to our ideals.

We can create higher meanings.

But if we don’t control our associations of pain or pleasure,

our lives are no more than animals or machines,

always governed by circumstances,

letting things do the work on us

and determines the quality of our lives.

We have become like a public computer,

which is accessible to all kinds of amateur programmers who want to.

“People, men and women alike,

often listen

call of the heart rather than of the mind”. – Lord Chesterfield

Although we do not want to admit this,

the fact remains that we act out of an instinctive response

to pain and pleasure,

rather than from rational calculations.

While we always like to believe that we act on reason,

in most situations we let our emotions push us to act.

In fact, we can learn to manipulate our minds, bodies,

and emotions to associate pleasure

and pain with whatever we choose.

When we change the way we perceive happiness and suffering,

we will immediately change our attitude.

For example, you want to quit smoking.

The simple thing you have to do

is associate suffering with smoking

and pleasure with quitting.

You have the ability to do this right now,

but you are not using it

because you are used

to associating physical pleasure with smoking,

or because you fear that quitting will cause harm

to your health,

you suffering.

However, if you meet someone who has quit smoking,

you will find that one day they changed their attitude:

The day they really changed what smoking meant to them.

If you don’t have a plan for your life,

someone else will.

Advertisers understand very well that

what drives us is not our minds

but our feelings for their products.

As a result,

they have become experts in the use of stimulating

or soothing music,

striking or elegant images,

dazzling or soothing colors

and enough other elements

to bring them together,

we enter certain emotional states;

then,

when our emotions are at their peak,

when our feelings are at their most intense,

they flash an image of their product continuously

until we connect and close

with your most satisfying feelings.

Pepsi used this strategy brilliantly

to divide the market share of its profitable beverage product

with rival Coca-Cola.

Pepsi observed the phenomenal success of Michael Jackson,

a young man who had spent his life researching

how to arouse strong emotions in the masses

by manipulating his voice, body,

facial expressions, and gestures. .

Michael sings and dances so effectively that

he excites millions of audience members

who are enthralled and satisfied,

even spending money on his albums to recreate the feeling.

Pepsi wondered,

is there any way we can transfer those feelings to our product?

They reasoned that

if people associate feelings of pleasure with Pepsi

as much as with Michael Jackson,

they will surely buy Pepsi

as much as they buy his albums.

You may have heard of the Russian scientist Iva Pavlov,

who performed experiments on conditioned reflexes

in the late 19th century.

His most famous experiment was the experiment of ringing a bell every time

a dog was fed,

thereby stimulating the dog’s saliva

and linking the feeling of a dog with a bell.

After repeating the conditioned reflex a sufficient number of times,

Pavlov found that just shaking the bell caused the dog to salivate,

even without giving the dog food.

“What you focus on expands,

and when you focus on the goodness in your life,

you create more of it.”— Oprah Winfrey

What does the Pavlov experiment have to do with Pepsi?

First of all,

Pepsi uses Michael Jackson to bring us to the top of emotions.

Then at that very moment,

they flashed their product.

The repetition created an emotional connection

for millions of Jackson fans.

In fact, Michael Jackson didn’t drink Pepsi at all.

He didn’t even hold an empty Pepsi can in front of the camera!

Are you surprised?

“Is this Pepsi crazy?

They paid 15 million dollars to hire this guy

to introduce their product

without touching the product,

and told everyone he didn’t touch it!

What kind of representative How strange?

Crazy idea!”.

In fact, this is a great idea.

Sales skyrocketed to the point that L.A.

Gear hired Michael for $20 million

to introduce the product to them.

And today, because he has the ability

to change the way sex workers feel,

he and Sony/CBS have just signed a 10-year contract worth over $1 billion.

His ability to change the mood of the masses made him invaluable.

The truth we have to realize is that all of this is based on

a way of associating feelings of pleasure

with certain attitudes.

The idea is that if we use the product,

we will achieve our dreams.

Advertisers have taught us all that if you drive a BMW,

you’re cool and stylish.

If you drive a Hyundai, you are smart and simple.

If you drive a Pontiac,

you’ll enjoy the thrills.

If you drive a Toyota,

you will have an indescribable feeling!

And if you wear Obsession perfume,

you will be the center of attraction of the party. etc.

The same force that governs the world’s public opinion

and the buying habits of consumers is the same force

that weaves all of our actions.

The rest is up to you and me,

we control this power and decide to act consciously,

because if we don’t control our thoughts,

we will fall under the influence of others want to steer us

to act according to their will.

“I believe that satisfaction should be avoided

if it brings greater suffering

and to desire if it brings greater satisfaction.” -Michel De Montaigne

The problem is that most of us,

when deciding to do or not do something,

consider whether it will bring suffering

or satisfaction in the short term rather than in the long term.

However, to be successful,

we must know how to overcome the immediate benefits

to aim for the long-term consequences.

You have to be able to put aside moments

of terror and temporary challenges,

and focus on what matters most in the long run:

your values ​​and personal standards.

You should also remember:

it is not the momentary suffering that provokes us,

but the fear that something will lead to suffering.

Likewise, it is not temporary gratification that excites us,

but our belief, our sense of certainty,

that doing a certain action will lead to satisfaction.

It is not reality itself that drives us,

but our perception of reality.

Many people only seek to avoid suffering

and seek immediate gratification

and thus create lasting suffering for themselves.

Let’s take an example:

someone wants to lose a few kilos.

On the one hand, this person finds one reason after another

that they consider the best to lose weight:

they will be healthier and more resilient;

the clothes they wear will fit better;

they will feel more confident in front of the opposite sex.

But on the other hand,

there are enough reasons to avoid weight loss:

they must abstain from eating;

they will always feel hungry;

they will have to abstain from foods high in fat;

Moreover,

why not wait until after the holiday to consider this?

Over and over again,

they will eventually succumb

to the tendency to delay decisions,

the satisfaction of having a well-proportioned body is not as strong

as the immediate suffering of fasting.

Suffering and satisfaction are also

behind the scenes of global tragedies.

For many years we had to live in the midst of an escalation

in the great power arms race.

These countries are constantly making more weapons

to use as a threat:

“If you attack me,

I will retaliate and your damage will be much worse.”

This arms race has forced the United States

to spend $15,000 every second on weaponry.

We have to change now

First, write down four actions you need

to take but you’ve procrastinated before.

For example, you need to lose weight

or need to quit smoking

or need to reconnect with someone you have neglected,

or reconnect with someone you consider important to you.

Second, next to each of these actions,

write down answers to the following questions:

Why didn’t I act?

Previously,

what sufferings did I think these actions entail?

Reply to those question will help you figure out

why you’ve procrastinated in the past.

Third, write down all the satisfactions you’ve received in the past

when you procrastinated.

For example, if you think you have to lose weight,

why do you continue to eat lots of sweets and fats?

You avoid suffering

because you don’t have to hold your peace

and at the same time you enjoy pleasure in the meantime.

But you also have to suffer the painful consequences later.

When you clearly define the satisfaction you have received,

you will realize what your real goal is.

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.

What happens if you don’t stop eating a lot of sweets and fats?

What if you don’t quit smoking?

What if you don’t call the person you want to call?

What if you do not start to work honestly every day?

What will you pay in two, three, four,

or five years from now?

What price do you have to pay for your physical and emotional life,

your finances, and your confidence?

Finally, write down all the satisfaction you would get

if you took action right now.

Make a long list of satisfactions that

will trigger your emotions:

“I will feel in control of my life.

I will have more confidence.

I will be healthy and full of energy and strengthen relationships

I will increase my willpower to use in all areas of my life

My life will be better in two,

three,

four,

or five years act now Right now,

I’m going to make my life’s dream come true.”

This chapter has made it clear

to you that your conceptions of happiness

and suffering are the fabric of every aspect of your life

and that you have the power

to change those conceptions

and thus change your actions,

and your destiny

But to do this, we must understand…

“If a man wants you,

nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you,

nothing can make him stay.” — Oprah Winfrey