Chapter 3: The Powers That Weave Life
“Life consists of moments of reason,
interspersed with moments of humor and passion.” – Sir Thomas Browne
She had just been walking for about half an hour
when disaster struck.
Suddenly about a dozen teenagers rushed towards her.
Before she could understand what was going on,
she saw the children jump at her,
drag her into a nearby bush
and hit her with an iron pipe.
One of them repeatedly kicked her in the face
until the blood flowed profusely.
Then they took turns raping
and leaving her there to live or die.
This heinous and barbaric story happened
in Central Park several years ago.
I was in New York at the time.
I was appalled by the barbaric attack,
but especially because the attackers were still underage.
All are only 14 to 17 years old.
Unusually, they are not from poor
or troubled families,
but high school students
and members of the Little League brass club.
They are not addicted to drugs,
nor have racist motives.
They attacked for a unique reason: as a joke,
they even gave this play a name:
Less than 300 kilometers away from the capital,
a jet exploded on take-off at the National Airport
during a snowstorm.
The plane crashed into the Potomac Bridge right at rush hour.
Traffic was blocked,
while the rescue of victims was carried out quickly
and the view of the bridge area was a nightmare.
“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.”— Oprah Winfrey
Firefighters and ambulance crews had to work very hard
to save the victims.
There was a man who kept passing oxygen cylinders to others.
He saved many people,
except for his own life.
When the rescue helicopter finally landed on him,
he was already gliding beneath the freezing snow.
He sacrificed his life to save the lives of people who were complete strangers to him.
What motivated him to value the lives of people he didn’t even know?
And he sacrificed his life for those people?
What makes someone
from good backgrounds act barbaric without remorse,
while another dares to sacrifice his life for complete strangers?
What makes a hero,
a villain, a criminal,
or a devoted human being?
What makes the difference between human actions?
All my life I have been constantly searching for answers
to these questions.
One thing is clear to me:
Humans are not random creatures;
Everything we do, we do it for a reason.
We may not be aware of that reason,
but there is certainly always some motive behind our actions.
This power affects every area of our lives
from our relationships to our financial,
and mental areas.
What force is governing your life now
and will continue to govern your life throughout life?
“You are responsible for your life.
You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction.
Life is really about moving on.”— Oprah Winfrey
SUCCESSFUL AND SUCCESSFUL!
Everything we do,
we do with the aim of avoiding suffering and attaining joy.
Understanding and using the forces of pain
and pleasure will allow you to forever create lasting changes
and the good you desire,
for you and your loved ones.
Not understanding this will lead you to a reactionary,
wild lifestyle like animal or mechanical.
This may sound too simple,
but think about it.
Why don’t you do what you know you have to do?
The reason is in your indecision.
You know you have to do something,
but you still hesitate to do it.
Why? It’s because on some level you think acting now
will cause you more suffering than waiting.
However, have you ever experienced that
something you keep putting off from day to day,
suddenly you feel compelled to do it,
to get it done?
Then you have changed your assessment of suffering and pleasure.
Suddenly you find that inaction is more painful than postponing action.
“Whoever suffers without needing to suffer,
he suffers more than necessary.”- Seneca
What keeps you from going to the man
or woman of your dreams?
What’s stopping you from starting a business you’ve been meaning to for years?
Why don’t you start dieting?
Why didn’t you finish your thesis?
Why don’t you control your investment project?
What is stopping you from doing what you have to do
to succeed in life the way you desire?
Even though you knew all these actions were in your favor,
you didn’t do them just
because at the time you thought doing them would
cause you more suffering than missing an opportunity.
After all, what if I go to that person and they reject me?
What if I go on a diet, starve,
and still gain weight in the end?
What if I invest money and then lose all my capital?
So what are you trying to do?
For many people,
the fear of loss is stronger than the desire to gain.
What motivates? push you harder:
avoiding someone stealing the $100,000 you have in your hand,
or the possibility that
you could make another $100,000 next year?
The truth is that many people strive to keep
what they have rather than risk getting what they really want out of their lives.
“The secret to success is learning how to use pleasure or pain
instead of letting joy or pain use you.
If you do, you will be in control of your life.
If you don’t, you’ll let life control you.”- Anthony Robbins
An interesting question is often raised in discussions about happiness or suffering:
Why are some people suffering and unable to change?
They have not experienced enough suffering;
they have not reached the emotional threshold.
If you’ve been through a family breakup
and finally decided to use all your energies
to take action and change your life,
it may be because you’ve reached a level of suffering
that you no longer want to suffer.
We’ve all experienced times in our lives that make us say,
“I have to change now.”
This is the magical moment that suffering becomes our friend.
It motivates us to take action
and produce new results.
We are even more motivated to act if,
at the same time,
we anticipate that change will make our lives much happier.
This happens in many different areas of life.
Maybe you feel you’ve reached the threshold
of your physical condition:
you’re too fat, you can’t sit comfortably in a taxi,
don’t fit into your new clothes months ago,
go up and down stairs hard.
Finally you say,
“That’s enough!” and you have a decision.
What was the motive for that decision?
The desire to eliminate suffering in one’s life
and re-establish happiness:
joy of pride,
joy of comfort,
joy of confidence,
joy of living according to one’s intentions.
Life is the most important lesson
Both Donald Trump and Mother Teresa are driven by the same motivation.
You might say, “Are you crazy, Tony?
Those two are as different as day and night!”
Obviously their values are at opposite poles,
but both are motivated by pleasure and pain.
Their lives were made up of what they knew
to bring joy and what they knew to bring pain.
The most important lesson we learn
in life is what brings joy
and what brings pain.
This lesson is different for each person
and therefore our behavior is also different.
With Donald Trump,
all his life he has learned
to achieve pleasure by having the biggest
and most expensive yachts,
buying the most luxurious buildings
and having the best deals.
In short, accumulate the biggest and most expensive toys.
What do you consider to be the most painful for you?
he revealed that the biggest pain in life is having
to be second in anything,
which he considers a failure.
Many of his opponents were overjoyed
to see him suffer
as much of his fortune was destroyed.
This example is not to judge him,
but to help us understand what motivated him,
push him and to somewhat sympathize
with his apparent suffering.
Mother Teresa is the opposite.
This is a woman with a deep concern for people,
making every time she sees someone suffering,
she also feels pain.
Mother was traumatized
by the injustice of the social caste system.
I discovered that every time
I act to help these people,
their suffering disappears and mine goes with it.
For Mother Teresa,
the ultimate meaning of life
can be found in the poorest neighborhoods of Calcutta,
the City of Joy, with millions of hungry, sick people.
joy was in walking through the dark
and stinking alleys of the city
to the squalid huts
and serving the undernourished children,
whose bodies were ravaged by cholera
and dysentery calendar.
I am strongly motivated by the feeling
that when I help others out of extreme poverty,
I ease their own suffering
and help them experience the joy of life.
She learned that dedicating herself
to work for others is the ultimate good;
it gives me the feeling that
my life has a real meaning.
My destiny is formed
the way we think
what is happiness and what is suffering,
A decision that radically changed the quality of my life was that
from a young age I began
to regard knowledge as a boundless joy.
I have found that
if I discover ideas and strategies
to shape my behavior and emotions,
I will have almost everything I want in life.
It can free me from suffering and bring me joy.
Knowing how to uncover the mysteries behind our actions
can help me have better health,
better relationships with the people I care about.
Knowledge gives me something to offer,
an opportunity for me to really give back
to the people around me.
What experiences of pain or pleasure have shaped your life?
For example, if you consider drugs to bring you joy or pain,
it affects your destiny.
Concepts of tobacco,
and even concepts of dedication
and trust have the same effect on your destiny.
If you’re a doctor,
it’s clear to you that your previous decision
to become a doctor was motivated
by your belief that it would bring you joy.
“Challenges are gifts that force us
to search for a new center of gravity.
Don’t fight them.
Just find a new way to stand.” — Oprah Winfrey
Most of the doctors I’ve spoken to admit
they take great pleasure in helping others:
relieve pain, cure disease, and save lives.
Sometimes the honor of being respected in society is also a motive.
Think of the limited conceptions of suffering
and happiness by John Belushi,
Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley,
Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison.
They see drugs as a way out, a quick fix,
a way to free them from suffering
and bring them happiness,
which ultimately destroys them.
They pay the ultimate price
for not properly controlling their minds and emotions.
Think of the example they set for their millions of fans.
I have never tried alcohol or drugs.
Not because I’m smart, but because I’m so lucky.
One reason why I never drink is
because when I was a child,
there were two people in my family
that caused all sorts of bad things every time I got drunk,
which led me to associate drinking
with extreme suffering and angry.
I still vividly remember the image of the mother
of one of my best friends.
She is obese, weighs nearly 150 kg
and she drinks alcohol constantly.
Whenever she drank,
she used to like to hold me in her arms.
To this day,
I always get nauseous whenever
I smell alcohol on someone’s breath.
When it comes to drinking beer,
it’s a different story.
When I was about 11 or 12 years old,
I didn’t consider it an alcohol at all.
In fact, my father also drank beer
and didn’t do anything bad.
On the contrary,
having a few beers often makes my father a little happier.
Furthermore, I consider drinking beer to be fun,
because I want to be like my father.
Does drinking beer actually make me look like my father?
No, but we often have false associations in the nervous system like
when we conceive of what is happiness
and unhappiness in life.
One day I asked my mother for “try some beer”.
My mother explained that drinking beer was not good for me.
But my mother’s explanations were futile only
when I had made up my mind
when it became clear to me that
my father did not do what my mother said.
Words are shaken, mirrors are attractive.
So I firmly believed that
my judgments were more accurate
than my mother’s explanations,
and that day I was convinced that drinking beer was for
me a sign of maturity.
And my mother thought that if
I didn’t let me drink beer at home,
I would definitely try it somewhere else.
My mother ended up saying,
“OK, you want to drink beer like your father?
Then you have to drink completely the way your father drank.”
“What’s the matter, Mom?” She replied,
“You have to drink all six cans.”
I said, “No problem”.
My mother said,
“You have to sit and drink right here.”
When I took my first sip of beer,
I found the taste to be bad, not what I had expected.
But my pride does not allow me to admit this.
And I took a few more sips.
When I finished a can,
I said to my mother,
“I’ve had enough,
Mom.” Mom said,
“No, there’s another can,”
and she opened it right away.
After drinking the third or fourth can,
I felt my stomach churn.
And you might as well know what happens after that.
I threw up and threw everything off and filled the table.
It was horrible and even had to clean the dining table.
Since then, just thinking about the smell of beer makes me nauseous
and have feelings of disgust.
So I no longer made mental associations between drinking beer and its meaning,
but I began to associate with emotions in my nervous system,
which is neural association.
From then on, I never tasted even a single sip of beer.
I also never used drugs
because I had a similar experience:
When I was in the eighth or ninth grade,
a police department team came to my school
and showed us movies about the effects of drugs. drug.
I saw scenes of shooting,
As a teenager,
I associated drugs with evil and death,
so I never tried it myself.
I’m really lucky that the police have helped form a neural association
with pain even at the mere thought of drugs.
So I never thought about trying drugs.
What can we learn from the examples above?
If we associate great pain with any of these behavioral
or emotional patterns,
we will avoid conforming to it at all costs.
We can use this understanding
to arm ourselves with the power of pain
and pleasure for trying to change almost everything in my life,
from my bad attitude to my drug use.
if we want to prevent our children from getting into drugs,
we must teach them before they experiment
and before anyone teaches them
to associate drugs with pleasure.
“If you suffer from something outside,
you suffer not because of the thing itself,
but by the way you judge it;
but you are always capable of
changing your assessment at any time.” -Marcus Aurelius
Humans are the only species on earth capable of spiritual life,
which helps us not to be dependent on the situation,
but on the contrary,
we give the situation its meaning
and we define ourselves how you feel about yourself
and how you will behave in the future.
One of the abilities that
makes us a special creature is the ability to adapt,
transform, use things
or ideas to create things that are more useful
or enjoyable for us.
Only humans have the ability
to transform their associations,
to turn suffering into joy or vice versa.
Let’s think of the man who went on a hunger strike
to go on strike and go to jail.
On a hunger strike for a cause,
he still lived for thirty days without eating.
His physical pain was great,
but it was more than compensated for by the joy
and value of drawing public attention to his cause.
So, through the power of our will,
we can choose
between the physical suffering of fasting versus the spiritual suffering
of surrendering to our ideals.
We can create higher meanings.
But if we don’t control our associations of pain or pleasure,
our lives are no more than animals or machines,
always governed by circumstances,
letting things do the work on us
and determines the quality of our lives.
We have become like a public computer,
which is accessible to all kinds of amateur programmers who want to.
“People, men and women alike,
call of the heart rather than of the mind”. – Lord Chesterfield
Although we do not want to admit this,
the fact remains that we act out of an instinctive response
to pain and pleasure,
rather than from rational calculations.
While we always like to believe that we act on reason,
in most situations we let our emotions push us to act.
In fact, we can learn to manipulate our minds, bodies,
and emotions to associate pleasure
and pain with whatever we choose.
When we change the way we perceive happiness and suffering,
we will immediately change our attitude.
For example, you want to quit smoking.
The simple thing you have to do
is associate suffering with smoking
and pleasure with quitting.
You have the ability to do this right now,
but you are not using it
because you are used
to associating physical pleasure with smoking,
or because you fear that quitting will cause harm
to your health,
However, if you meet someone who has quit smoking,
you will find that one day they changed their attitude:
The day they really changed what smoking meant to them.
If you don’t have a plan for your life,
someone else will.
Advertisers understand very well that
what drives us is not our minds
but our feelings for their products.
As a result,
they have become experts in the use of stimulating
or soothing music,
striking or elegant images,
dazzling or soothing colors
and enough other elements
to bring them together,
we enter certain emotional states;
when our emotions are at their peak,
when our feelings are at their most intense,
they flash an image of their product continuously
until we connect and close
with your most satisfying feelings.
Pepsi used this strategy brilliantly
to divide the market share of its profitable beverage product
with rival Coca-Cola.
Pepsi observed the phenomenal success of Michael Jackson,
a young man who had spent his life researching
how to arouse strong emotions in the masses
by manipulating his voice, body,
facial expressions, and gestures. .
Michael sings and dances so effectively that
he excites millions of audience members
who are enthralled and satisfied,
even spending money on his albums to recreate the feeling.
is there any way we can transfer those feelings to our product?
They reasoned that
if people associate feelings of pleasure with Pepsi
as much as with Michael Jackson,
they will surely buy Pepsi
as much as they buy his albums.
You may have heard of the Russian scientist Iva Pavlov,
who performed experiments on conditioned reflexes
in the late 19th century.
His most famous experiment was the experiment of ringing a bell every time
a dog was fed,
thereby stimulating the dog’s saliva
and linking the feeling of a dog with a bell.
After repeating the conditioned reflex a sufficient number of times,
Pavlov found that just shaking the bell caused the dog to salivate,
even without giving the dog food.
“What you focus on expands,
and when you focus on the goodness in your life,
you create more of it.”— Oprah Winfrey
What does the Pavlov experiment have to do with Pepsi?
First of all,
Pepsi uses Michael Jackson to bring us to the top of emotions.
Then at that very moment,
they flashed their product.
The repetition created an emotional connection
for millions of Jackson fans.
In fact, Michael Jackson didn’t drink Pepsi at all.
He didn’t even hold an empty Pepsi can in front of the camera!
Are you surprised?
“Is this Pepsi crazy?
They paid 15 million dollars to hire this guy
to introduce their product
without touching the product,
and told everyone he didn’t touch it!
What kind of representative How strange?
In fact, this is a great idea.
Sales skyrocketed to the point that L.A.
Gear hired Michael for $20 million
to introduce the product to them.
And today, because he has the ability
to change the way sex workers feel,
he and Sony/CBS have just signed a 10-year contract worth over $1 billion.
His ability to change the mood of the masses made him invaluable.
The truth we have to realize is that all of this is based on
a way of associating feelings of pleasure
with certain attitudes.
The idea is that if we use the product,
we will achieve our dreams.
Advertisers have taught us all that if you drive a BMW,
you’re cool and stylish.
If you drive a Hyundai, you are smart and simple.
If you drive a Pontiac,
you’ll enjoy the thrills.
If you drive a Toyota,
you will have an indescribable feeling!
And if you wear Obsession perfume,
you will be the center of attraction of the party. etc.
The same force that governs the world’s public opinion
and the buying habits of consumers is the same force
that weaves all of our actions.
The rest is up to you and me,
we control this power and decide to act consciously,
because if we don’t control our thoughts,
we will fall under the influence of others want to steer us
to act according to their will.
“I believe that satisfaction should be avoided
if it brings greater suffering
and to desire if it brings greater satisfaction.” -Michel De Montaigne
The problem is that most of us,
when deciding to do or not do something,
consider whether it will bring suffering
or satisfaction in the short term rather than in the long term.
However, to be successful,
we must know how to overcome the immediate benefits
to aim for the long-term consequences.
You have to be able to put aside moments
of terror and temporary challenges,
and focus on what matters most in the long run:
your values and personal standards.
You should also remember:
it is not the momentary suffering that provokes us,
but the fear that something will lead to suffering.
Likewise, it is not temporary gratification that excites us,
but our belief, our sense of certainty,
that doing a certain action will lead to satisfaction.
It is not reality itself that drives us,
but our perception of reality.
Many people only seek to avoid suffering
and seek immediate gratification
and thus create lasting suffering for themselves.
Let’s take an example:
someone wants to lose a few kilos.
On the one hand, this person finds one reason after another
that they consider the best to lose weight:
they will be healthier and more resilient;
the clothes they wear will fit better;
they will feel more confident in front of the opposite sex.
But on the other hand,
there are enough reasons to avoid weight loss:
they must abstain from eating;
they will always feel hungry;
they will have to abstain from foods high in fat;
why not wait until after the holiday to consider this?
Over and over again,
they will eventually succumb
to the tendency to delay decisions,
the satisfaction of having a well-proportioned body is not as strong
as the immediate suffering of fasting.
Suffering and satisfaction are also
behind the scenes of global tragedies.
For many years we had to live in the midst of an escalation
in the great power arms race.
These countries are constantly making more weapons
to use as a threat:
“If you attack me,
I will retaliate and your damage will be much worse.”
This arms race has forced the United States
to spend $15,000 every second on weaponry.
We have to change now
First, write down four actions you need
to take but you’ve procrastinated before.
For example, you need to lose weight
or need to quit smoking
or need to reconnect with someone you have neglected,
or reconnect with someone you consider important to you.
Second, next to each of these actions,
write down answers to the following questions:
Why didn’t I act?
what sufferings did I think these actions entail?
Reply to those question will help you figure out
why you’ve procrastinated in the past.
Third, write down all the satisfactions you’ve received in the past
when you procrastinated.
For example, if you think you have to lose weight,
why do you continue to eat lots of sweets and fats?
You avoid suffering
because you don’t have to hold your peace
and at the same time you enjoy pleasure in the meantime.
But you also have to suffer the painful consequences later.
When you clearly define the satisfaction you have received,
you will realize what your real goal is.
Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.
What happens if you don’t stop eating a lot of sweets and fats?
What if you don’t quit smoking?
What if you don’t call the person you want to call?
What if you do not start to work honestly every day?
What will you pay in two, three, four,
or five years from now?
What price do you have to pay for your physical and emotional life,
your finances, and your confidence?
Finally, write down all the satisfaction you would get
if you took action right now.
Make a long list of satisfactions that
will trigger your emotions:
“I will feel in control of my life.
I will have more confidence.
I will be healthy and full of energy and strengthen relationships
I will increase my willpower to use in all areas of my life
My life will be better in two,
or five years act now Right now,
I’m going to make my life’s dream come true.”
This chapter has made it clear
to you that your conceptions of happiness
and suffering are the fabric of every aspect of your life
and that you have the power
to change those conceptions
and thus change your actions,
and your destiny
But to do this, we must understand…
“If a man wants you,
nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you,
nothing can make him stay.” — Oprah Winfrey