Social workers and slum researchers have found that the poor often fall into the bottom classes of American society of different ages, different religions, educational background, different backgrounds, there are even people who are very young. Scattered in the bottom of the commune there are people who have graduated from university, most of the rest have no education at all. Some people have families, many others don’t.
However, they had one thing in common: they both failed miserably. They all face difficult situations and are ready to give up. They are even eager to tell you about situations that have discouraged them, their own.
Those situations cover many problems that people face, from “My wife has left me”: “I have lost everything, there is nowhere to go”, to “I have become a villain.” I’ve been outcast by society for some action before, I’ve gone downhill like this! “.
When we left the slums, we visited some ordinary middle-class American families. We noticed a distinct difference in their lifestyle. But again, we found, the reasons the gentlemen in there used to justify their downfall were the same as those used by the slums gentlemen to justify their total downfall.
Inwardly, ordinary people also feel that they have failed. He cannot heal his wounds. Now he’s become too cautious. He works in moderation, avoiding opportunities to live a happy, successful life, and is dissatisfied with himself. He feels defeated but tries to endure the “judgment” he thinks fate has assigned to him.
He’s also a surrender, a failure, but in a socially “acceptable” way.
Now, let’s start to enter the world of successful people, who make up a relatively small percentage of society, and we can see their starting points are very different. We found that a number of business executives, influential pastors, government officials and some successful people in all fields turned out to be from very poor, broken families, even the slums. They had to go through hardships that you can hardly imagine.
A slums gentleman and a successful man in so many ways age, intelligence, background, nationality, except for one thing: the way they deal with failure.
When the slums gentleman is defeated, he will never rise again. He lay there and lamented everything. Slightly better, the slums gentleman could get up on his knees, but he would stoop, wait until no one noticed, then run off in the exact opposite direction to reassure himself he wouldn’t get hit or fail once more.
But successful people act completely differently. When he fails, he turns on his heels, learns one more lesson, forgets about the failure, and moves forward.
One of my best friends is a management consultant, he is exceptionally successful. When you walk into his office, you immediately feel “upper class”. The beautiful office furniture, the carpets, the busy people, the important customers, all show that his company is on the way to success.
A skeptic might pout: “He must be a con man to build such a large company.” But the skeptic was wrong, it didn’t take a con man, or smart, rich, or lucky to do that. All that is essential is that you have to persevere in pursuing your goal to the end, never accepting fail.
Behind a remarkably successful business is a story of hard work, always moving forward: he lost all his 10-year savings in just 6 months When he first started his business, he had to live in an office for months because he couldn’t pay the rent for an apartment, he turned down countless “attractive” jobs just because he wanted to keep the idea, and was determined to make it a reality, and had to hear hundreds of thousands of times more rejections from potential customers than yes.
During the 7 years of unbelievable difficulty on the road to success, I have never seen him complain a word. He explained: “Dave, I am studying. This business is very competitive, and quite invisible, not easy to grasp, so it is difficult to convince customers. But I’m trying to learn how to do it.”
And he made it.
Once, I asked my friend if the recent experience also caused him to lose many things. But he replied, “No, it didn’t cost me anything, it even gave me a lot more.”
Let’s try to consider the call lives of the people who appear in the Who’s Who, and you’ll find that most of the successful people in that yearbook have encountered countless situations of failure that seemed insurmountable. Any one of them has experienced opposition, depression, failure, bad luck.
When reading biographies or autobiographies of great people, you once again have the opportunity to discover that each of them has bitten the bitter fruit many times, with many memorable failures.
Find out where the president of the company you work for, or the mayor of the city you live in, or choose someone you think is successful. You will realize that they all have to overcome winding, winding roads and obstacles like cliffs and rapids.
You cannot achieve peak success without any setbacks, setbacks, failures. But you can completely turn difficulties into momentum to push you forward.
Doctors use failures to pave the way to improving public health and prolonging human life. Every time a patient dies for no apparent reason, doctors perform an autopsy to find out the cause. That way, they will learn more about how the human body works; and the lives of mankind are thereby improved.
A sales manager sets aside a meeting every month to help his employees figure out why they’re missing important deals. That failed business was rebuilt and scrutinized. That way employees learn how to avoid failing on similar deals in the future.
A football coach spends time studying every detail of his team’s game to find their mistakes. Some coaches even use video footage of each game to let players see their mistakes firsthand. The only goal is: play the next game better.
CAA officials, successful sales executives, physicists, football coaches, and experts in every other field must follow a single principle of success: gain experience and learn from failures.
When we encounter failure, the first emotion is often sad, so depressed that there is no lesson to be learned at that time.
According to some professors, a student’s reaction to failing an exam gives him a clue to finding his hidden success. A few years ago, when I was a faculty member at Wayne University in Detroit, I was once forced to fail a graduating senior. Indeed it was a shock to the student, he was very confused and embarrassed. He was forced to choose one of two options to retake the exam and receive his diploma in the next batch or graduate without a diploma.
I think he will be disappointed, even have a negative attitude when he finds out he failed. Sure enough, after I explained that his test was far below the benchmarks, the student admitted he hadn’t put in enough effort.
“But,” he continued, “my most recent results are average, can you take care of me?”
I said there was nothing more I could do, as we only test once per course. I also explained the exam rules that do not allow the score to be changed for any reason other than an error on the part of the grading professor.
Then, when he realized he couldn’t change his score, he became angry. He said, “Professor, I could name 50 famous people in this city who didn’t need to go to college. So what’s so important about a college degree? Fortunately, people are not so attached to the diploma papers as professors often do.”
After hearing him say that, I paused for about a minute (I’ve learned one thing: when you’re being stabbed, attacked, the best way to avoid an argument is to pause for a moment before answering). Then I said, “What you just said is not wrong. There are many, many successful people who haven’t taken courses in college. You too can succeed without this knowledge. One course can’t make or break your life. But your attitude towards education can destroy your life.”
“What do you mean by that?” He asked again.
I replied, “Simple. People outside judge you as we judge you. What is important is the completion of his work. outside they won’t nominate you or give you a raise, if you only do second-rate jobs.”
I paused again to make sure he understood what I meant.
“May I give you some suggestions? Right now he is very disappointed. I understand your feelings and I don’t rate you any lower because you seem annoyed with me. But let’s look at this in a more positive light. A very important lesson: if you don’t work, you won’t get what you want. Keep this lesson in mind and in 5 years you will find it the most valuable lesson of all your time here.”
A few days later, I was delighted to hear that the student had re-enrolled in the course. This time he passed the exam much easier. Finally, he called me to let me know how grateful he was to talk to me.
He said: “I learned a lot when I failed your subject for the first time. It sounds weird, but you know, I’m glad I didn’t pass that exam.”
We can turn defeat into victory. Find your lesson, apply it and then you can look back on your failures and smile.
Perhaps the big screen audience will never forget Lionel Barrymore. In 1936, he broke his hip. The broken bone will never heal and most people think he will end his career here. But no, he used that difficulty to pave the way for more successful roles. Over the next 18 years, despite the pain did not decrease, but in a wheelchair he still participated in many roles and achieved great success.
On March 15, 1945, W. Colvin Williams was walking behind a tank in France. The tank hit a mine and exploded, leaving Williams permanently blind.
But that didn’t stop him from pursuing his goal of becoming a pastor and consultant. Upon graduating from college with top grades, Williams said, “being blind was actually the most precious gift of my career. Since I’m blind, a person’s appearance doesn’t affect my judgment of him at all. I can no longer judge people by their appearance, so I always give people a second chance. I want to become a person that people around me want to find and share without being afraid.”
Isn’t that an illustrative example of a rather cruel and bitter defeat that turned into a victory?
Failure is just a mental state, nothing more, nothing less.
A friend of mine, a longtime and highly successful stock investor, carefully evaluates each investment decision, because of a past experience he learned. Once, he told me: “Five years ago, when I first jumped into the stock market, I lost a lot. Like many amateur investors, I wanted to get rich fast. But I quickly went bankrupt. However, that didn’t stop me. I know that, in the long run, carefully selected stocks make the wisest investments.”
He laughs: “So I think the losses in the first few missions are the price to pay for my success today.”
Besides, I also know a lot of people who, after an unwise investment, become “anti-securities”. Instead of sober analysis of the mistakes made, they come to the completely wrong conclusion that investing in the stock market is like a gamble, sooner or later everyone will lose.
Right now, learn something from failure. The next time things don’t go your way, whether at work or at home, stay calm and figure out the cause of the problem. That’s how to avoid making the same mistake twice.
Failure only makes sense when we learn from it.
Humans are naturally curious. We are quickly satisfied with the confidence people place in our victory. When we win we want the world to know. It is also natural to want others to look at you and admire: “He’s a good person who can do a lot of things “.
But humans are equally quick to blame someone else when they fail. Employees blame customers when deals don’t work, managers blame employees or other peers when things don’t go well, couples constantly blame each other for problems in their relationships in family. Things just mentioned happen a lot, often in very normal life.
It is true that in today’s complex world, other people can stand in your way. But it is a fact that we still trip ourselves up more. We fail because of our limited abilities, or by some personal mistake.
Set yourself up for success in the following way:
Remind yourself that you always want to be as perfect as possible. Be objective. Put yourself in the shoes of a third person who has nothing to do with what’s going on, and see how they see the situation.
Try to see if you have some weakness that you don’t recognize.
If so, start fixing it. Many people are so complacent with themselves that they can’t figure out how to improve themselves.
Rise Steven of the Metropolitan Opera told Reader’s Digest that in the most unfortunate moments of her life, she received the best advice! At the beginning of her career, she missed the opportunity to participate in the famous opera, “Space Dance”. Steven was extremely disappointed, bored and feeling bitter. She said: “I was hoping to hear words of encouragement and sympathy because my voice was good, but I did not. I was given the role, it’s just because I don’t have the necessary relationships.”.
But Stevens’ teacher didn’t comfort her that way. Instead, the teacher said, “My good students must face their mistakes courageously.”
“Although I really want to complain and comfort myself after failure, the teacher’s words always rang in my ears, woke me up, made me unable to sleep, kept thinking about it over and over, finally, finally. I had the courage to look directly at my mistakes and shortcomings. I lay there, in the dark, wondering, “Why did I fail? How can I win next time?” I have to admit that my voice isn’t good enough, I need to improve my spelling and learn to act more characters.”
Stevens says facing her flaws has not only made her successful on stage, but has also brought her many new friends and improved inner quality in her personality.
Self-criticism is great. That helps you build your own abilities, improve work efficiency to accumulate success. Blaming others does not bring good results, on the contrary it can destroy everything. You gain nothing from “trying to prove” that the other person is wrong.
Be positive and constructive with self-criticism. Don’t deny or hide from your weaknesses. Act like experts in your fields. They always find their weaknesses, mistakes and find ways to correct them.
Of course, don’t try to dig into your own mistakes so you can make excuses: “Here’s another reason why I’m not the right fit for the job.”
Instead, look at your mistakes in a more positive light: “This is a way to see yourself better, self-knowledge, to become a winner later.”
Orville Hubbard once said, “A loser is one who falls but never learns from it.”
We often blame luck whenever we encounter some failure. Our catchphrase is often: “Life is like that”, and give up all efforts from that moment. Hay stopped and thought for a moment.
Every event is unnatural, just like an unnatural ball moves along a trajectory. The motion of the ball depends on three factors: the ball, the dribbler and the plane with which the ball is in contact. The principles of physics provide the correct explanation for the rebound of the ball, which is not purely by chance.
Imagine, one day the US Civil Aviation Administration announced: “We’re sorry for the accident, that’s how life is.” Surely you will comment: then create a new Civil Aviation Department! Or suppose the doctor explains to your patient-a relative: “I’m really sorry. But I don’t understand what’s wrong with him. It’s one of the diseases people get.” I’m sure you and your relatives will go to another doctor the next time they get sick.
The way we think life is like that doesn’t teach us anything. With that mindset we are not at all better prepared to avoid making the same mistake again, should the same situation arise. A coach, if he sees his last loss in terms of, “Hey players, life is like that”, will certainly not be able to help the players avoid making the same mistake next time.
Instead of blaming bad luck, review your mistakes. Learn from failure. Many people all their life always explain their mediocre misery by countless reasons such as: “because I am miserable”, “my number is difficult”, or “I am unlucky”, this person is like a child, immature, always trying to find sympathy from others to rely on psychologically. They don’t recognize the cause, so they can’t seize the opportunities that will help them grow, mature, and be trustworthy.
A friend of mine is a literary consultant, writer, and critic. Recently, he confided to me what it takes to be successful in writing:
“A lot of people who were supposed to be great writers actually weren’t serious about their writing career. They try to write a bit but then give up as soon as they realize that if they continue to pursue it, they will have to work continuously. I don’t notice or care about these people because they are always looking for shortcuts to get things done when in fact there are no shortcuts at all.”
However, just being patient is not enough.
Edison is considered the most persistent scientist in America. He conducted thousands of experiments before inventing the electric light bulb. But pay attention: Edison conducted the experiment. He was very consistent with his goal of inventing the electric light bulb and making persistence a reality by combining it with experimentation, or action.
A lot of people live their whole life with respectable perseverance and perseverance with great, burning ambitions, but they still fail because they don’t dare to experiment with new ways of doing and thinking.
Persevering in the pursuit of a goal cannot guarantee ultimate success. But perseverance combined with experimentation will certainly bring flowers and fruits.
Those who are persistent, persistent, pursue to the end, do not give up, always have the basic quality to succeed. Here are two suggestions for developing the ability to experiment, if combined with perseverance can bring desired results.
1. Remind yourself: “Everything has a solution”. Every thought can influence your actions. When you say to yourself, “I have failed. There is no way to solve it.”, that pessimistic thought will accumulate and affect you until you yourself are convinced that you must have failed: “give up”
Instead, trust, “there will be a way to solve this problem,” and positive thinking will flow on its own, helping you to find a way to solve things.
It is important that you are convinced that there is a way to solve the problem.
Marriage and family counselors can’t do anything to save marriages that are on the edge of the abyss, if no one in the couple dares to believe that they can find happiness again.
Psychologists and social workers also argue that an alcoholic can only get out of addiction if he himself believes that he can beat his cravings for alcohol.
In just one year, thousands of new businesses are established and perhaps in the next 5 years, only a few will survive. Most bankrupt businesses will say: “The competition is too harsh. We have no choice but to withdraw.” The essence of the problem is that when people encounter obstacles, they only think of failure and of course they taste failure immediately.
When you trust that there is a solution, you automatically turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts.
A problem is unsolvable, if you yourself suspect the problem is unsolvable. Find a solution, by trusting that the problem is completely within reach, strong enough to solve it. Never think or claim something is impossible.
2. Please stop and start over. We often focus too much on a problem for a long time, so we cannot find a new solution, a new approach.
I have an engineer friend who was hired to design a special aluminum structure; In fact, it is unlike any other design that has been built before. When I met him, I asked him how things were going.
He replied, “Not very well either. I think, last summer I didn’t spend enough time taking care of the garden, and thinking about my ideas. When I have too much difficulty in a design for a long time, I often give up and look for new ideas.
You will be surprised to know how many ideas come to me when I sit under a tree or water in the garden.”
President Eieenhower, during a press conference, was asked why he took so many weekends off. His answer is great advice for all those who want to maximize their ability to think creatively: “I don’t trust anyone, whether they run General Motors or the United States of America.
America, can do its best work just by sitting at a desk and hunched over papers. In fact, a good president always knows how to put his mind at ease, free, not worry, to the minutiae, from which he can make clear and accurate judgments.”
A business partner of mine, every month, always plans to spend 3 days with his wife and children on vacation in the suburbs. He found that when he paused work and returned to the original cycle, his spirit became fresh, his work efficiency increased, and he was appreciated by customers more.
When you get stuck, don’t throw everything away. Instead, stop, take a break to regain the excitement of working. Try doing anything simple, like playing a piece of music, going for a walk, or taking a nap. Then you look at the problem again, the solution often comes to you before you know it.
In critical situations, seeing the positive side of things will also bring you well-deserved results. One young man, who had lost his job, told me how he focused on seeing the good side of things. He said: “One day, I received short notice that I had to quit my job. Due to the economic downturn, the company was forced to fire the “least valuable” employees.
The salary is not very high, but with the life I have lived from childhood to adulthood, such a salary is quite good. When I heard that I was fired, for the first few hours I fell into a very terrible feeling, but then I changed my perspective. “good luck”, in bad luck there is also luck. I really don’t like that job, if I stay at this company forever, I really won’t be able to advance.
Now I’m have the opportunity to find a suitable job for yourself. Before long, I found a job I loved much more, and the salary there was also much higher. It turned out that getting fired from the company turned out to be the best thing for me ever.”
Remember, in any situation, you will see what you want to see. Let’s look at the positive side of things, so that we can sing the triumph. Things always and really lead to many good things, if you can see clearly, and be optimistic in everything.
The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people lies in their attitude in the face of difficult failure, discouragement or failure.
Here are five tips to help you turn defeat into victory:
• Learn from your failures to pave the way for success ahead. When you fail, learn from it and succeed next time.
• Be brave, positive self-criticism. Find your mistakes and weaknesses to correct. This makes you more seasoned.
• Don’t blame bad luck. Consider in each of his failures. Find out where the problem lies. Remember, blaming bad luck doesn’t get us what we want.
• Combine persistence with experimentation. Be consistent with your goal, but don’t rush into a dead end. Try new ways of thinking and approaches. Let’s experiment.
• Remember, there is always a positive side to any situation. Figure it out to beat the frustration.