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David J. Schwartz! Dare to Think Big! Thinking Right About Others

9. Thinking Right About Others

Here is a basic rule for achieving success.

Engrave in your mind that your success depends on the support

and help of those around you.

Consider the following example:

a manager needs employees to carry out his orders.

If the job doesn’t run,

the chairman of the board fires the director,

not his employees.

A salesperson needs customers to buy.

If they don’t buy,

he fails.

Likewise, university deans need the collaboration of professors

to conduct their own curriculum;

a politician needs voters to vote for him;

a writer needs readers willing

to spend money to buy his new work.

A store manager can only do a good job

if the workers under him accept his leadership,

and the customers accept his sales program.

In history, there have been some

who usurped power through war and violence,

and they maintained power through violence.

But these days,

remember that people will either help you out with their best,

or give you no support at all (you can’t force them).

It’s time to ask:

“I admit it takes interdependence with others to be successful,

but what do I have to do to get them

to support and accept my leadership?”

The answer can be summed up in one phrase:

think right about people.

Think right about others,

then they will love and help you.

Love them then they will love you.

This chapter will explain why this is so.

Every day, around the world,

the following scene is repeated thousands of times:

A group of people or a committee that is meeting

for the purpose of considering,

to nominate someone who is promoted,

assigned a new assignment,

to join a club or to be honored,

or to elect a president,

a new company,

a new supervisor or a new sales manager.

A name, F. for example, is called.

The president asked:

“What do people think of Mr. F.?”.

Several comments were made.

Some people will make good comments like,

“He’s pretty good.

Everyone there said very well about him.

He also has a good technical background.”,

or “F. huh? OH! He’s a smart guy,

really cares about people.

I think he’s a good fit for the new assignment.”

But some others commented very negatively,

unfriendly like:

“I think we have to look closely at this case.

He doesn’t seem to get along very well with people”,

or “I know he has a technical background

and a high level of education,

I don’t mind his qualifications,

but I do worry about his support.”

from the staff, because he doesn’t seem to be respected.”

Here’s an unusual conclusion we’ve found:

in 9 out of 10 cases,

the factor “beloved” is mentioned first.

In some other special cases,

the factor “beloved” is also appreciated more

than the factor of ability and level.

Indeed, the above is true even in the selection of lecturers

for the position of professor of the university.

I have participated in many meetings

to select a faculty member for the department.

When a name is offered,

the committee’s biggest consideration is:

“Will the students like him?”,

or “Will he be able to get along with the other staff?”

Is that not fair?

No scholastic character?

Not. If a person is unloved,

it is difficult for him to work with students to the fullest extent.

Remember this:

It is not a person

who is pulled to a higher position,

but he is raised .

In this day and age,

no one has the time

or patience

to pull someone up the career ladder step by step,

by an individual is chosen by his results,

his performance,

which sets him apart from everyone else.

We rise to a higher position thanks to those

who know well how we used to love

and treat everyone around us.

Each opinion of someone you know will elevate you a little.

Being-loved makes it easier

for you to be elevated.

Successful people even make plans

to be friendly with people.

How about you?

You will be surprised to know

that many successful people have specific,

clear plans carefully written in the goal

of creating friendliness

and love for people.

Consider the case of President Lyndon Johnson.

Long before he became President,

Lyndon in the process of honing his amazing powers

of persuasion came up

with a “recipe” of 10 principles for success.

These principles are not sublime,

even the most indifferent observer can perceive,

and have been applied by him in each of his actions:

1. Learn to remember people’s names.

If you don’t do this effectively,

it means you don’t care about them

2. Be a relaxed person so you won’t be stressed.

Be a person who has no worries at all.

3. Give yourself time to rest,

really relax so that things don’t distract you.

4. Not self-righteous.

Be careful to stay away from impressions

that you know are not good.

5. Educate yourself so people see that working

with you is the right thing to do.

6. Remove the “grains” in your personality,

sometimes there are things

that you have not yet realized.

7. With honesty, sincerely heal any misunderstanding you have

or are facing,

completely remove all complaints and grievances.

8. Learn to love people

until you really love them.

9. Don’t miss any opportunity

to congratulate others on their success,

or to empathize with their disappointments or sorrows.

10. Give people spiritual strength,

and people will return your sincere affection.

The application of these 10 very simple

and extremely effective “Love the People” principles

helped President Johnson gain confidence

and win the majority of the vote of the people

and gain more support in the National Assembly.

In other words,

when he applied the 10 principles,

President Johnson was more likely to get a promotion.

Important people

who are at the forefront of every field seek

to get along with and like people.

They always try to be really nice people.

But never trade friendships.

Friendship is not a barter at all.

Giving gifts is a good habit,

but it is only really great if the gift comes

from sincerity

and love for the person you give the gift to.

Without sincerity,

that gift is nothing more

than a “repay” or “bribe” no more.

Last year, a few days before Christmas,

I chatted with a midsize truck company executive in his office.

As he was about to leave,

a delivery man brought a gift for the director.

It was an alcoholic drink that came from a local tire factory.

My friend was angry,

coldly asked the staff to return the sender.

When the delivery man was out of the office,

the director quickly explained to me:

“Don’t get me wrong.

Actually, I love giving and receiving gifts.”

He then named some of the gifts he received

from his business friends for Christmas.

“But when a gift is for the sole purpose

of getting us business,

a bribe that is so revealing as the one just now,

I no longer want to accept it at all.

I haven’t done business

with that company since 3 months ago,

because they don’t get the job done as planned

and I don’t like their employees either.

Their sales guy keeps calling me all the time.

Last week, I got angry with that salesman when he came here,

brazenly said to me:

“We are really looking forward

to continuing to work with your company.

I will ask Santa to give him a generous treat this Christmas.” I know,

if I don’t return the gift they gave me,

the next time he sees me,

the first thing he’ll say is,

“I bet you love presents.”

Friendship is not used to exchange, buy and sell.

If you intend to buy or sell friendships,

you will fail on at least two points:

1. You will waste money in vain.

2. You will be despised by those around you.

Always take the initiative to get to know

and build friendships with people,

that’s how successful people always follow.

We easily succumb to selfish habits,

by saying to ourselves:

“Let him start first”,

“Let them call us first”,

“Let her speak first”.

If you just let other people

go around building relationships with you,

you’ll never make many friends.

The initiative to get to know others is,

in fact, a characteristic of leadership.

If you later work in a large group,

pay attention to one very important thing:

the person who plays the most important role is the person

who takes the initiative in introducing himself to everyone.

Usually the important people will always walk up to you,

shake hands and say:

“Hi, I’m Jack R.”.

This action shows that he is an important person,

as he is always open to the public.

Have you ever noticed that most people are silent

while waiting for the elevator.

Unless they are standing with acquaintances,

most people never say even a single word

to the person next to them.

One day, I decided to do a little experiment.

That day I struck up a conversation with a stranger

who was also waiting for the elevator.

observed his reaction 25 times in a row,

and all 25 times in a row I received very friendly

and positive feedback.

Today, casually starting a conversation

with a stranger might be seen as impolite,

but in reality most people love to start a conversation.

When you talk and compliment someone,

you make them feel better.

On the contrary,

it also helps you feel much happier and more comfortable.

When you say positive,

interesting things to a person,

you feel the same thing happen to you.

It’s like warming up your car’s engine in the cold winter.

Here are the 6 ways to make friends with people,

you just need to be a little proactive:

1. Introduce yourself to people whenever the opportunity arises,

at parties, gatherings,

on airplanes, at work,

just about anywhere.

“By your smile and say:

You look like an important person… I know”

2. Make sure everyone hears your name clearly.

3. Make sure you pronounce the guest’s name exactly

the way they pronounce it.

4. Write down everyone’s names, exactly.

Everyone respects that their name is pronounced correctly

and spelled correctly.

If possible include their address and phone number.

5. Send a note or call new people you know with

whom you want to connect more deeply.

This is very important.

Most successful people call or text friend his new.

6. Last and not least,

say positive things in front of strangers.

This will make you more energetic and enthusiastic.

If you apply all 6 principles above,

then you are thinking correctly about people.

In fact, most ordinary people don’t think so.

A “normal” person never introduces himself.

He always waits for others

to take the initiative to get acquainted first.

Be proactive.

Act like successful people.

Change the way you communicate with people.

Don’t be shy or embarrassed.

Don’t be afraid that you will look weird in the eyes of others.

Get to know other people,

they probably want to know about you too.

Recently, a friend

and I were asked to do a preliminary review

of a candidate for an industrial sales position.

We found Ted, the candidate,

to have good qualities.

He is exceptionally intelligent, good-looking,

and seems to be ambitious.

But there is one point that makes me reject Ted,

at least for the time being Ted’s big weakness is this:

he demands that everyone else be perfect.

Ted gets upset about the very little things,

like grammar mistakes,

cigarette butts, poor taste,

and more.

Ted was surprised to hear us comment on his weakness.

But Ted was desperate to find a high-paying job,

and he asked us if there was a way

to help overcome that weakness.

We gave him three suggestions:

1. Accept the fact that no one is perfect.

There are some people

who seem more special than others,

but no one is completely perfect.

One of the most human characteristics is that everyone has flaws,

everyone has more or less flaws.

2. Acknowledge that people have a right to be different from you.

Never impose anything on anyone.

Never get upset with other people just

because they have different habits than you,

just because they like different clothes,

have different religions,

different affiliations,

and like different cars.

You don’t have to agree with them,

but you don’t have to be upset about the difference either.

3. Never be the innovator of everything.

Add the thought “live and respect things as they are”

to your philosophy of life.

Most people don’t like being told “you’re wrong!”

You have the right to your opinion,

but it’s better to keep it to yourself.

Ted tried and focused on following these suggestions.

A few months later,

he was completely different.

Now he has learned to accept people for who they are.

No one is perfectly good

and no one is completely bad.

He added: “Not only that, the things

that used to make me uncomfortable are now extremely enjoyable.

I finally understood that,

if everyone was the same and absolutely perfect,

how dull would this world become?”

If we know how to control our thoughts

and think in the right way,

we can discover many good qualities

to love and admire people.

Your mind is like a thought-streaming station.

This transmission system will deliver messages

through two equally powerful channels:

channel L (Optimism) and public B (pessimism).

Suppose today,

your boss calls you into the office to Periodic evaluation

of the work that you have done.

He praises your achievements,

but also gives specific suggestions

for you to overcome some bad habits.

In the evening, as usual,

you often recall the conversation

between the two of you and think.

If you turn on channel B,

the “broadcaster” will say:

“Be careful! Your boss is trying to frustrate you.

He’s just a loser.

You don’t need his advice.

God damn take that silly advice away.

Remember what his colleague H. said about him?

H. right. He is trying to suppress you

like he did with H. Let’s resist.

Next time he calls you into his office, fight.

Don’t hesitate or be afraid of anything.

Go straight into the office tomorrow

and ask what his criticisms really mean…”

But if you switch to channel L,

the announcer will say this:

“You know, the boss is also a your good colleague.

His suggestions seem reasonable.

If you apply, you will probably do better

and create some promotion opportunities.

Tomorrow, you will enter his office

and say thank you for your helpful,

well-intentioned contributions.

K. was right,

he was a good colleague…”.

In this case,

if you listen to channel B,

you’ve almost made a big,

even serious mistake in your relationship

with your superiors.

But if you switch to the L channel,

you absolutely receive useful advice from your superiors,

and also help strengthen a better relationship

with your boss.

Your superiors will certainly appreciate that attitude.

Try it and see how effective it is.

Remember, the longer you watch a channel,

whether it’s channel B or channel L,

the more you will become attached to it,

it will be difficult to switch to another channel.

This is true because thinking,

whether positive or negative,

initiates a chain of reactions similar

to the initial thought.

You own your thoughts,

so steer your thought broadcaster right.

Every you think of another person,

train yourself to turn on and listen to channel L.

If channel B is inserted,

categorically reject it and quickly switch to channel L.

To switch channels,

all you need to do is think of one good thing about someone.

Following a chain reaction,

one positive thought will lead to another,

and you will feel happy and elated.

When you’re alone,

it’s up to you to decide whether to watch channel B or channel L.

But when you talk to other people,

they absolutely have a way to control what you think.

There are two ways to prevent someone from switching us

from positive channel L to negative channel B.

One is to change the subject as quickly

as possible with statements like:

“Please interrupt me, John, but Actually,

when I mentioned this, I meant to ask you about…”

Second, find an excuse like:

“Sorry John, I’m late…”,

or “I have to get this done…

Forgive me!”.

Or sternly promise yourself that you are determined not

to let others sway your mind.

Please always keep yourself on channel L.

Once you grasp the secret of right

and positive thinking,

great and sure success awaits you!

I will tell you the story of an extremely successful insurance salesman.

He shared with me about the good things

that come from thinking right about others.

The story is as follows:

“When I first entered the insurance field,

the situation was really difficult,

the competition was fierce.

At first, it seemed to me that as many potential customers

as there were agents selling insurance!

And then I soon realized the fact,

that any insurance agent knows:

9 out of 10 customers say

they don’t need any more insurance at all.

Let me tell you this,

I’m super productive not

because I know the insurance business.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s important,

of course,

but in reality there are many people

who know a lot more about contracts

and terms than I do,

but they still have to stretch their legs

to find each client one by one.

I know a man who once wrote an entire book on insurance,

but couldn’t sell a policy to someone

who had only a few days to live.

My success is based on only one thing.

I love, really love the clients I’m dealing with.

Let me repeat it again.

I really love them.

Some of my friends who are also insurance salesmen have tried

to pretend to pamper their customers,

but to no avail.

You can’t even fool a donkey,

when you try to pretend.

Every gesture,

eyes,

face,

all reveal the fake.

Now, every time I collect information about a potential client,

I do the same thing every other insurance agent does.

I researched about age,

workplace,

salary,

children.

But I also gathered a few more things

that most other employees wouldn’t look for,

and that was to find some good reason

to feel Love that potential customer.

Maybe it’s the special nature of the work he’s doing,

or something else I can find in the individual client’s information.

I’m sure I’ll find interesting reasons to like him.

After that,

whenever I concentrate on thinking,

I will recall the reasons why I love him.

I built up a lovely image of that client in my mind,

before I said a word to the insurance man.

This little trick has brought unexpected results.

Since I really like him,

sooner or later he will like me.

Just like that,

not long after,

I was no longer a customer persuasion officer,

but I was on his side,

and we discussed the upcoming insurance purchase.

He trusted my judgment,

because I was his friend.

Maybe people don’t accept my views at the moment,

but I’m sure once I like someone,

that person will come back soon,

find me, and we can discuss business.

Just last week,

I found a rather difficult client.

That was the third time I came to look.

He met me at the door,

before I had time to say hello,

he hastily scolded me without stopping.

He even said he couldn’t breathe,

was in a hurry,

and ended with a ‘never come here again’.

After hearing the words like a slap in the face,

I just stood there,

looked him straight in the eye for five seconds,

and then said it softly,

honestly,

because I really wanted to share my feelings with him:

‘But, Mr. S, I’m here tonight only as a friend’.

You know,

just yesterday,

he accepted my suggestion

to buy $250,000 worth of property insurance.”

Sol Polk is considered the “king of household goods” of Chicago.

Started with nothing,

but now Sol Polk generates millions of dollars

in sales each year in downtown Chicago.

Sol Polk credits his success to the fact

that he always has the right attitude towards his customers.

“Every customer is treated

by us like a guest at our house,” he said.

Isn’t that the right way to think about people?

Isn’t that a simple rule for achieving success?

Treat your customers like guests coming to your house.

Apply this tip to your employees as well.

They also need to be treated

like guests visiting your home.

Apply the best treatment to your employees

and you will receive the strongest

and most sincere cooperation from them,

leading to the highest work productivity.

Think well of the people around you,

and you will get the greatest,

most wonderful results in return.

One of the first people to come across the manuscript

of this book was a close friend of mine.

He has a corporate governance consulting firm.

After reading the above story,

he commented:

“That is the good result we get

from loving and respecting others.

I would like to tell you more

about the story of an acquaintance

to help you see clearly.

How much worse things would be

if we didn’t love and respect everyone.”

The story is told as follows:

“My company won a contract for consulting services

for a small beverage bottling business.

The contract is quite large.

The director had almost no background knowledge.

Their business was in trouble,

and in the last few years he made several bad decisions

that cost the company money.

Three days after signing the contract,

a colleague and I drove to his factory.

It was about a 45-minute drive from our office.

That day, not sure when to start,

we turned the car to chat about the bad points of this guest.

Instead of getting together

to discuss the bottling company’s approach

to solving the problem,

we rambled on about his naivete

that had put the company in its dire straits.

I remember clearly,

I made a remark

that I thought I had to be very clever to come up with

‘The only thing that kept him steady was his weight’.

My colleague burst into laughter and made a follow-up,

equally amusing remark:

“And his son, too, is 35 years old this year,

and yet the only talent he has is can speak English!”

During the entire drive,

we talked about nothing but the story of how naive

and incompetent our customer was.

The discussion that afternoon turned bland.

Come to think of it,

I guess that guest also partly understands our thoughts

and feelings about him.

He must have thought,

“These people think I’m stupid or something,

all they do to get my money is just a nice-sounding talk.”

Two days later,

I received a two-sentence letter from that customer.

In the letter he wrote:

“I have decided to cancel our consulting service contract.

If we have to pay anything,

please send us an invoice!”

Due to stuffing ourselves with negative thoughts,

within 40 minutes we lost a big contract.

Worse still, a few months later we learned

that the client had contracted with a company

with a more modest reputation

for the professional advice he needed.

We wouldn’t have lost that big deal

if we had focused on the good things in our customers.

Indeed he has good qualities.

Yes, most people have their own good qualities.”

Hopefully you both relax with this story

and learn a basic principle for success.

Listen to people as much as possible.

My hundreds of little personal experiences make this clear:

the talkative

and the most successful are rarely the same person.

Almost without exception,

the more successful people are,

the more willing they are to listen to others.

They know how to encourage others

to talk about themselves,

their views,

their accomplishments,

their families,

their jobs,

and their troubles.

Willingness to listen will:

1. Help you make more friends

2. Help you understand people better

Here is an illustrative example.

A large advertising agency in New York,

of course,

like any other advertising agency,

focuses on convincing people

to buy the products the company is recommending.

But, that company does one more thing.

They asked copywriters

to spend a week behind the counter,

so they could listen to

what their customers were thinking about the product.

Listening gives them the data they need to write better,

more effective ads.

Many companies consider interviewing

a leaving employee to be more important

than interviewing a new hire.

They do it not always

to convince those employees to stay,

but to find out why they quit.

From there, the company can improve the relationship

with the remaining employees.

Indeed, listening is often very effective.

Don’t become a self-talker.

Listen, listen to make friends and learn.

In your relationship with anyone,

always be as polite

and courteous as possible.

There is no medicine

that works to help you relax more

than doing small things for everyone.

Having the right mindset about people

will help you get rid of stress,

fatigue, and boredom.

In fact, you experience stress

because you think negatively about others.

So think optimistically,

properly and you will see how wonderful the whole world is.

When things don’t go as expected,

then you really need the experience

of “thinking right about people”.

How do you feel when you don’t get promoted?

when you don’t win any position in the club?

when you get criticized for your work?

Remember this:

How you feel

when you fail will determine how long it will take

for you to succeed.

Benjamin Fairless, one of America’s most distinguished managers,

gave an apt answer to this in a statement

in Life magazine October 1956:

“It all depends on how you look at it.

how to take everything.

For example,

I never showed any annoyance towards the teachers in my school days.

Of course, I was never disciplined like any other normal student,

but I always realized it was my fault,

it was impossible not to be disciplined.

I also love the bosses I worked for.

I always try to please them,

and always try to do more than they expect,

never less.

I was also disappointed

when I wanted to get a promotion

but someone else took it away.

But I never considered myself a victim of “competition at work”,

or due to bad prejudice

from my boss.

Instead of leaving angry

or frustrated,

I found the cause.

Obviously, the other co-worker deserves a promotion more than I do.

What will I do to make myself worthy of the next opportunity?

I don’t get upset because I lost,

and I don’t waste time blaming myself.”

Whenever things don’t go as expected,

remember Benjamin.

Do the following two things:

1. Ask yourself:

“What will I do to be more deserving of the next opportunity?”.

2. Don’t waste time and energy in sadness.

Don’t blame yourself .

Make a plan to win next time.

********

SUMMARY, APPLY THE FOLLOWING PRINCIPLES:

1. Self-created opportunities for you to advance more easily.

Train yourself to be a model that many people love.

This helps you gain support

and energize your path to success

2. Actively get to know and make friends.

Introduce yourself to others,

whenever possible.

Be sure to jot down the names of your friends right away.

Please text or call new acquaintances,

if you want to know more about them

3. Accept the differences

and weaknesses of each person.

Don’t expect someone to be perfect.

Remember, every person is a unique individual.

Don’t try to change that fact.

4. Switch to channel L,

the channel that broadcasts optimistic thoughts.

Find the good points to love

and admire the other person,

not the points to hate them,

be swayed by your prejudices about others.

Think positively about people,

you will get good results in return.

5. Be willing to listen to people.

Behave like successful people.

Encourage others to tell you about their views

and their accomplishments.

6. Be courteous and polite at all times.

That makes other people feel better.

And you will also feel more comfortable.

7. Don’t blame others if you encounter a failure.

Remember: how you think

when you fail determines

when you succeed.

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