As a general rule, people rely very little on what they are born with. They want to be what they make themselves. – Alexander Graham Bell
As mentioned, at the age of 21 I was still very poor and lived in a small room. During the day I work at a construction site, and at night I lock myself in my room. Maybe that’s why I have a lot of time to reflect on everything.
One day while sitting at the small dining table in the kitchen, suddenly a strange thought flashed in my mind. It changed my whole life. It suddenly occurred to me that from this moment on I would be the one to decide everything that would happen for the rest of my life. No one else can help me.
No one comes to rescue me from this miserable life!
At that moment, I realized that if there was anything in my life that needed to change, that change had to start with me.
DISCOVER THE GREATEST
I still vividly remember that moment. It’s like the feeling of skydiving for the first time – both scared and excited. I seem to be wondering before the choice: To dance or not to dance? And in the end, I decided to jump down. Rather, I have decided to take responsibility for my own life. I knew that if I wanted to change my current situation, I had to do it differently. It’s all up to me to decide.
Later, I realized that once we accept full responsibility for our lives, it means we are mature enough. But sadly most people usually don’t do this.
I’ve met many people even though I’m 40 – 50 years old are still grumbling about their previous unpleasant experiences. They often blame other people and external circumstances for the disappointments they receive. Even many people still look angry when they talk about it what their parents did (or didn’t do) to them 20 or 30 years ago. They are trapped in the past and cannot free themselves.
The biggest enemy of success and happiness is negative emotions, in any form. These emotions will drag you down, drain you of all your energy, and deprive you of the joys you can enjoy in life. Negative emotions have, since time immemorial, been more harmful to individuals and society than any epidemic in history.
Therefore, you must know how to free yourself from negative emotions. This is considered one of the most important goals for you to truly achieve happiness and success in life.
Negative emotions such as fear, resentment, jealousy, envy, and anger mostly arise from the four factors that I will describe below. Once you can identify and remove these elements from your thoughts, the negative emotions will automatically subside and have no chance to arise. Then, positive emotions such as love, friendliness, joy, enthusiasm will take its place, from which your life will change for the better, sometimes it only takes a few minutes, or even seconds.
Don’t make excuses
The first root cause of negative emotions is excuses. You will feel weak when you excuse yourself or others that you have a right to be angry or frustrated for some reason. This is the reason why angry people go on to explain and talk about the causes of their negative emotions. However, if you don’t justify your negative emotions, you won’t be angry either.
For example, an employee loses his or her job due to economic fluctuations and a decline in the company’s revenue. However, this person was angry with his superior because he thought the decision to let him quit was unfair. Anger may cause him to decide to take the case to court or to “get justice” in some way. As long as he continues to defend himself, his emotions will continue to control and dominate his thoughts and most of his life.
However, if he accepts “I lost my job. That is also normal. Not many people have lost their jobs in the current economic situation. I’d better spend my time looking for another job”, then those negative emotions will surely disappear. He will calm, alert and more focused on the goal as well as for the next steps.
Don’t try to explain more
When you’re more rational, you try to rationalize the facts or try to explain some of your behavior.
At that time, you find ways to explain, avoid or find a positive point in your behavior to convince people. You try to find a way to make it easy to understand in order to create and strengthen your right position in every way. This behavior will continue to keep negative emotions alive in you.
Making excuses to rationalize and justify the problem may push someone to be the cause of your problem. You push yourself, take the victim’s position, and turn another person or organization into an “oppressor”.
Go beyond the opinions of others
Being overly concerned or overly sensitive to how others treat you can also cause negative emotions. For some people, self-image seems to be perceived by the way others talk to them, perceive them, or even look at them. There is no concept of price in them, self-worth or self-esteem in addition to seeing oneself according to the opinions of others.
And when these opinions are directed at them with a negative nature, they are immediately swept up in emotions such as anger, confusion, shame and even depression, self-pity, and despair. This is why psychologists say that almost everything we do is to gain the respect of others, or at least not to lose respect for ourselves.
The last cause, which is also considered the worst, is pushing the responsibility onto someone else. When I draw the “Tree of Negative Emotions” in my seminars, I illustrate the trunk as the part that tends to blame others for our problems. Once you cut down the tree trunk, all the fruit on it that are negative emotions will have no life left. This is similar to when you unplug from the electrical outlet, the lights on the Christmas tree will instantly turn off.
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY IS A POWERFUL MEDICINE
The antidote to all negative emotions is to accept full responsibility for the situation mine. You can’t say with your mouth, “I’m responsible” and still feel angry inside. It is the acceptance of responsibility that will “short-circuit” and suppress those emotions.
Try to imagine it! You can neutralize your negative emotions and can take control of your life with a sense of “I am responsible!” whenever feeling angry or frustrated for any reason.
And you remember, only when you do this in its own right will it work to its full potential. When you don’t get caught up in anything that is emotionally or mentally frustrating, then you can begin to focus all of your energy and enthusiasm on the goal in front of you. Then, there will be no limits or obstacles to prevent you from reaching your goals in life.
DO NOT BRING OTHER PEOPLE
From now on, stop blaming others for anything in the past, present and future. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission”.
Start making excuses or excuses for your behavior. If you make a mistake, say sorry and start fixing it right away. Every time you blame someone else or make an excuse for your mistake, you are losing your strength. Then you will feel weak and small. You also feel cynical in your own thoughts.
Please refuse such things!
To maintain a positive mindset, avoid criticizing, complaining or condemning others for anything. Once you do this, you can stimulate positive emotions within you. On the contrary, being angry with others means that you allow your negative emotions to rule you and at the same time allow others to control your emotions. That’s not really wise!
In his book Seat of the Soul, famous psychologist and anthropologist Gary Zukav says: “Positive emotions are powerful; Negative emotions take power.” Positive emotions like happiness, excitement, love, enthusiasm help you feel stronger and more confident. Negative emotions such as anger, grief or
Resentment will make you weak, hostile, irritable, and annoyed with those around you.
Once you take full responsibility for yourself and your situation, you can confidently handle everything in life. At that time, you will become “the master of your own destiny and the commander of your own soul“.
BE YOUR OWN BOSS
According to the study conducted in New York City mentioned above, researchers found that subjects in the 3% group who wrote down their goals in writing had a particular attitude. That attitude sets them apart from other ordinary people in the same field. That is, they own their own work, regardless of who pays the salary. They tell themselves that they have a responsibility to the company, as if they were the owners of the company.
From now on, consider yourself as the owner, who is fully responsible for all aspects of life and work. Tell yourself that you are in this position, holding this position because of what you have strived for and achieved success as well as experience failure in life. You are the architect of your own destiny.
CHOICES AND DECISIONS
Do you think your life up to this point has been influenced by all the choices and decisions you have made (or failed to make)? If there is anything in your life that disappoints you, you are the one to blame. If you feel unhappy, it is up to you to think of ways to change and improve the situation.
As your own employer, you are fully responsible for everything you do and for its results. You are responsible for the risks and consequences of your actions. You must understand that to get where you are today, to become the person you are today is your own decision and choice. If you are not satisfied with your current income level, decide to look for better positions and opportunities to earn more. See it as a goal, plan and work to get what you deserve.
You are always free in the decisions that make up your life.
PERSONAL STRATEGY DEVELOPMENT
You must be responsible for strategic planning for your life and career. It is the overall management strategy, including setting goals, planning, providing solutions and efforts to accomplish.
Besides, you must be responsible for your own marketing strategy. You must know how to build your image to be able to “sell” for the highest price in a competitive market.
You are also responsible for the financial strategy, you have to decide:
how do you want to sell your services,
how much income you want to earn,
how much you want to increase your income year over year ,
how much you want to invest and save,
how much you want to save for retirement.
All of these are completely up to your decisions and choices.
In addition, you are responsible for your personal development strategy and your relationships, both at home and at work. I often advise my students: “Choose your boss carefully”. This will have a big impact on your income level, your ability to advance, and your job satisfaction.
Ultimately, you must be responsible for your own training, self-discovery, and self-education. It is you who must decide to apply the necessary skills to bring about the results you deserve. Then, it is you who is responsible for investing the time and effort in learning and developing these skills. No one can do it for you. Because the truth is that you are the only one who cares about yourself the most.
Much of the research in psychology is centered around the Locus of Control Theory. For more than 50 years, psychologists have conducted many studies and come to the conclusion that it is the determining factor in a person’s life to be happy or not.
People with inner control centers feel that they are in complete control of their lives. They are always optimistic and positive, they feel strong, confident and powerful. They feel satisfied with themselves and in control of their destiny.
In contrast, those with a control center is often controlled by external factors themselves, such as their boss, bills, marriage, past or present circumstances. They lose control of themselves; as a result they feel weak, angry, afraid, cynical, hostile and incapacitated.
However, there is still a direct connection between the amount of responsibility you accept and the level of control you feel. The more you accept responsibility for yourself, the more your inner control center increases, and your confidence increases accordingly.
In addition to the above issues, did you know that there is a direct connection between responsibility and happiness? Then your life is a combination of three factors: responsibility, control and happiness.
The more responsibility you accept, the greater your control. The more control you have, the more confident you become and the more happiness you receive. And when you take control of your life, you will set bigger goals while also having the motivation and determination to achieve them. You are the one who holds your destiny in your hands and can turn it in any direction.
RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR LIFE
1. Identify the problem or source of the biggest negative emotions in your life today. How are you responsible for this issue?
2. See yourself as your own boss. What would you do if you had complete control over everything?
3. Resolve from today not to blame anyone for anything that happens to you, instead to take full responsibility for your life. How should you act?
4. Stop making excuses and start reinventing yourself.
5. See yourself as the main creative force in your life. The reason you have a position and a person as you are now is because you choose and decide to take it. What should you change?
6. Determine from today to forgive those who have hurt you in any way. Forgive and let it go in the past. Instead, start doing something really meaningful so there’s no time to think about it.