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Brian Tracy! Art of Negotiation! Persuasion by reciprocal reciprocity

Art of Negotiation

Chapter 16. Persuasion by reciprocal reciprocity

Before you can become a millionaire,

you must learn to think like one. ― Thomas J. Stanleyt 

In his book Influence(3),

Robert Cialdini lists the factors that have the most influence on

how people think and react to you.

According to Cialdini’s conjecture,

it’s reciprocal.

Extensive research shows that reciprocal reciprocity

– give and take

– is the most powerful way to achieve agreement and commitment.

People often tend to be fair in their interactions with others.

This is a natural and normal instinct in us.

It is also the basis of civilization

and the foundation of the Law of Contracts,

a foundation that allows all business activities to take place.


Do it for others

In negotiation,

this means whenever you do a good deed

When you are beautiful to others,

small or large,

you are igniting in them an unconscious desire to reciprocate

– to respond to your kindness in a positive way.

Whenever you ask others about their life,

work or family,

listen with sincere interest,

doing will surely make them happy.


Using Socratic’s method of argument

To promote reciprocity,

use the Socratic style of negotiation as exemplified by the saying:

“First, decide on all the issues on which we agree,

then move on to other issues controversial issue on which

we have different opinions.”

As described in the previous chapter (Law #4),

I think you should start a negotiation

or discussion by going through each item one at a time.

You will find that

there are always a significant number of issues on which

you and the other person can agree

and issues that are acceptable to both parties.

When you are both able to discuss and agree on many issues,

you have built momentum towards an agreement.


Get rid of the problem

In a negotiation,

every time you go through different issues one at a time

and stumble across a point of disagreement for the other side,

say right away:

“Let’s come back to this later.”

The quicker you get through controversial issues,

the less resistance and negativity your partner will have.

The more items you agree to in the first place,

the easier it is to get the other person

to agree on later items.

By letting things go smoothly from the beginning,

you will make the other person want to reciprocate your enthusiasm

in later matters.

As soon as you start negotiating,

be a “giver”,

rather than a “receiver”.

Try to agree with your partner on some items,

your doing will definitely make them more inclined

to want to agree with you.


Agree gradually

Another negotiation tactic you can use,

even in the absence of any dispute regarding such points,

is to agree gradually,

reluctantly and cautiously.

When you compromise too quickly,

without showing any reluctance,

the other person will believe

that the issue is not very important to you.

But when you act like it’s important to give in,

you make the other person aware that he needs to reciprocate later.


Press the fair button

One of the most important emotional principles

in your relationship people

as well as negotiation is fair.

Use the word fair as much as possible,

because it will make the other person want to return your feelings

in a positive way.

Say something like,

“I think this choice would be fairer,”

or “To me, in this situation,

that doesn’t seem fair.”

Or “I just want justice for both of us.”

No one can argue with you about your desire for justice.

Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive. ― Matt Cameron


Ask the other party to respond

When reluctantly giving in to a series of non-material points,

you can say,

“Here, we’ve already agreed to your demands on these matters.

So far, we have only made concessions

and all we want is for you to give us a little

bit on some of the following issues”

– issues that are of course important to you. Friend.

Price and terms are not the same

Always remember that in negotiation,

price and terms are very different elements.

You can agree to a higher price than you would like to pay,

as long as you agree on terms that are favorable to you.

You can tell the other party

that you will pay a higher price

if they reciprocate by offering better payment terms.

Once, some friends of mine were negotiating a $1 million real estate deal.

Compared to comparable properties on the market,

the property itself is worth less than $600,000.

But the seller demanded $1 million

because a year earlier a close friend of theirs had sold a plot

of similar size for this price.

Of course, the other land has a good location,

suitable for construction and more valuable.

But the owner of the land insisted

that they would only sell it for $1 million.


they won’t make a deal.

My friends finally agreed to pay the offer price

and provided them with decent terms of acceptance.

The terms were

that they would pay the other $1 million over 20 years,

$50,000 a year, interest-free.

When they finish planning the land into individual lots and sell them,

they will speed up the payment to the seller

as soon as they receive the money from the customer.

Since the $1 million list price is the most important factor

to the landowners,

while the terms and conditions are the most important to my friends,

they were able to reach an agreement like idea.

Of course, both sides get the most important things

they want from the transaction.

When it comes to a negotiation,

it often seems like you won’t get the chance

to come to an agreement from the outset.

But when you shift your attention away from the price

—the key factor

—to the terms and conditions of the sale,

you can find a deal that benefits both parties,

leaving both you and the other party alone are all satisfied.

Many of the most important deals in history were made this way.

Always find opportunities to make someone smile,

and to offer random acts of kindness in everyday life. ― Roy T. Bennett

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