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Rules of Work. If You Can’t Say Something Nice, Be Quiet

Rules of Work

Rule 4: If You Can’t Say Something Nice, Be Quiet

TTO – A rule that is easy to understand but difficult to follow.

We all love to “gossip”,

whine and gossip behind our boss’s back.

However, this rule requires us not to do those things.

Learn to say only positive,

nice things and compliments.

People judge you not only by what you say,

but also by how you say it (see Rule 2).

Therefore, be an optimistic and friendly person.

Rule 4.1: Don’t “Gossip”

“Did you know Steve from the accounting department was seen coming out

of Debbie’s bedroom in the marketing department early Sunday morning?

They were also seen having lunch together twice at Luigi’s

and Kathy swore she saw them holding hands in the elevator.

You know,

Steve is married and Debbie is engaged.

Is that what they see?”

The answer was,

“What does that have to do with me?”

It really has nothing to do with you,

unless Steve happens to be your boss

and his work is being affected by it,

or you happen to be Debbie’s future fiance.

This rule advises you not to “gossip”

but does not tell you not to listen.

You may find the story interesting

and sometimes the plot is useful to you.

But there’s a simple part to this rule:

you don’t keep telling the story to other people.

Just that.

The gossip that comes to you is the last one.

If you just listen to the story

without telling it to others

or adding a personal comment,

you’ll be seen as “a member of the team” rather than a spoiler.

You don’t have to disagree,

just simply don’t keep telling others.

Rule 4.2: Don’t complain

TTO – Life is not fair.


Sometimes co-workers skip work

and we have to do extra work,

bosses have no expertise

so they are inconsistent and incompetent,

ignorant people get promoted.

Sometimes you have too much to do,

the systems don’t make sense,

and ignorant people get in your way.

Indeed, life is unfair!

Now tell me if complaining helps in those situations.

Tell me if complaining will change anything.

The answer is no.

Complaining is a time-wasting tool invented

by sad people who have no work to do.

They are usually the ones standing next to the “gossip” people.

It is also possible that they are one.

When they’re done complaining,

they’ll come up with interesting “gossip” topics.

Complaining is useless.

It achieves nothing or solves any problems.

Consequences of complaining:

* People will see you as idle,

screwed up and insignificant,

making you a fussy person,

blaming others all the time and looking unattractive

* Waste time

* You become allies with other complainers

* You’ll get a reputation for never suggesting anything useful or effective

* Stripping you of your motivation,

thus creating a vicious cycle

So what do you do if you are a complainer?

Very simple.

Whenever you are about to complain about something,

try to find a solution to the problem yourself.

If you can’t find a solution,

don’t allow yourself to complain.

Do so within a few weeks.

You will naturally find yourself not complaining anymore.

Bad-mouthing others is always going on behind their backs.

Next time,

if you want to complain about someone,

go in front of them and tell them,

and if they’re not in the room,

don’t complain.

The rule is simple but very effective.

Once they’re there,

you won’t complain anymore

because complaining about bothering others isn’t easy either.

If you have to say something,

say it in front of the person who needs to be heard

(see the beginning of this chapter,


if you can’t say anything nice,

keep quiet).

Rule 4.3: Support others

TTO – Everyone is drinking coffee

and switching to the topic of Mr. Adam.

Adam is a thorn in everyone’s eyes.

He didn’t get the job done and even skipped work,

stealing pens and paper clips.

He speaks rudely to everyone,

always tries to push everything to others,

blames others,

in general it’s obnoxious!

So everyone complains about him behind his back

and gets a lot of frustration out of his head.

But you won’t.

Others can,

but not you,

from now on it will always be.

You are now a rule-of-thumb

and you will support others.

No matter how obnoxious that Adam is,

you’ll find something good to say about him.

That’s your point

– find something nice to say anyway.

This may seem difficult at first,

but if you persevere it will get easier day by day

– it’s just a matter of habit

and mental attitude.

If we get into the habit of whining and complaining,

we always will.

But if we change our perspective,

we can think more positively.

However, to do it takes a little effort at first.

Supporting others no matter what will make you the person

who always finds something good in everyone.

Because of this,

the people you could be complaining about know

that it is you who will always fight to protect them.

That will give you unspoken loyalty

and protection from the most “rogue” members of the company.

This is a strange relationship that brings many surprises.

Those will be your supporters in case of an emergency.

They will let you know if someone wants to make things difficult for you.

They will do their best for you

because they know you care about them.

If you need help,

they will be someone you can count on.

It’s amazing how quickly rumors of you being kind can spread

– you don’t complain,

you don’t complain,

you stand by the weak,

always sympathize

and always get at least one good thing out of the worst.

Obviously you will have to do these things honestly.

Making up or lying is not good.

If you don’t get good points from others at first, keep quiet.

However, there will always be something positive to say

because no one is completely evil,

evil or evil.

Caution is paramount.

Don’t take offense

when you see other people gossiping

– just avoid doing it and keep the story to yourself.

Rule 4.4: Praise others sincerely

TTO – The key to this rule lies in the word “honest”.

You must not give compliments in a quick,

superficial, shallow and false way.

Compliments should be true,



and unpretentious.

Being the person who always gives compliments is a very difficult thing.

Complimenters are often seen as flatterers

or “insiders” to the boss

– and you don’t want to be seen as such.


you’ll really get over it with warm

and sincere compliments.

So how would you do this?


If you honestly compliment others,

it will make people think well of you

– a good workplace impression.

The best way to do this is to be natural.

All you have to say is

“I really like your hair”

and then ask questions about whatever you just complimented,

like “Who cut your hair?”.

“I really like the way you treat that customer?

How did you create that habit?”

“I have to say I enjoyed your report,

how did you satisfy the bosses?”

Over-expression should be avoided.

You don’t “love” their new shirt,

you simply “like” it.

Remember that if you “love” it,

you will want to “get” it and “have children” with it.

It’s not how you talk to a shirt,

to a report, to a hairstyle or how someone treats a client.

If you “like” something,

say it freely.

You can emphasize how much you like it by:

* “I really like…”

* “I like it so much…”

* “I have to say I really like… too”

* “I was really impressed by…”

* “I think you did a great job…”

* “The way you do it…really cool”

* “I was very impressed with your speech.

It was special”.

When complimenting,

make sure people don’t think you’re flirting or flirting

– make your compliment professional and/and work-related.

I’m sure you don’t need to be told how to do this.

Rule 4.6: Ask questions

TTO – The goal of this exercise is to become a person:


Opportunity for promotion,




One of the simplest ways to do this is to learn

and get into the habit of asking questions.

Which question?

Of course this depends on the situation.

For example,

in Rule 4.4: Praise others sincerely;

we’ve given some examples where the following questions have been helpful

– “I really enjoyed your presentation.

I think you’re really calm.

How are you not shaking?”.

Or “I like the way you handle the bills.

What gave you that idea?”.

Asking questions shows you are paying attention,


Asking questions shows that you are a thoughtful,


intelligent, and creative person.

Stupid people don’t ask questions.

Depressed people don’t ask questions.

Lazy people don’t like to ask questions,

any question.

Aggressive people often make statements

– “I don’t like that idea,

this is impossible”.

Rulers ask questions;

maybe they’re all saying the same thing,

but the wording will be different

– “I think I need some more information on this idea.

Do you think it will work?

Will the rush meet the increased orders?

Should we add more people?

Maybe we should take the time to think about this,

what do others think?”.

You don’t say the idea is worth throwing away,

but they know you think so.

However, they also think you are a very good.

You don’t knock them out in front of your co-workers,

but you still give them a piece of rope for them

to do on their own if they want to.

And when you give them a way out,

they’ll choose that solution

– “spend time thinking about this”

seems to mean “we won’t talk about this anymore”.


this expression is diplomatic.

In general,

asking questions is a worthwhile thing to do.

It shows you care about your colleagues.

But ask a sincere and honest question,

a gentle but “expensive” question.

It wouldn’t be nice to ask:

“Where did you get that shirt from?

Are you sure it suits you?”

Don’t focus on the shirt unless it looks terrible.

Ask about work instead:

“How did you get those bills done so quickly?

Do you have a secret that we don’t know?”.

If in case you want to support someone

(even if they are terrible,

there is still something good about them,

no one is completely evil)

then you should also use questions.

There is always an aspect of anyone’s work that you can question.

You can also ask about their hobbies,

life or family.

The question is

even as simple as “how are your kids?”.

It will shorten the distance

and make you more approachable.

It will open dialogue,

create a pleasant atmosphere,

warmth between people who work together every day.

Rule 4.7: Say “Please” and “Thank You”

TTO – Maybe you think this is so obvious,

so basic that it can’t be part of the rules.

But, we all need to be reminded that saying “please”

and “thank you” are extremely important.

Simply showing up is not enough.

People say they’re too busy or forgetful,

or they say they’ve already used the word

and don’t want to repeat it.

That’s bullshit.

Giving reasons for forgetting to say “please”

and “thank you” is a bad habit.

If we begin to forget even the minimum rules of etiquette and politeness,

then we have no reason to exist.

If we’re not civilized

and polite enough to say “thank you” to someone

or find it annoying to add the word “please,”

then it’s really time to stop doing that.

No matter how many times a day someone hands you a piece of paper,

say “thank you” as many times a day.

No matter how many times you suggest the same thing,

add the word “please” each time.

If someone does something for you,

no matter how small,


or boring,

you need to thank that person.

You only need to forget once

and other people will think you are rude,


and annoying.

Please make someone else’s day happy.

Thank you very much!

I once worked with a manager

who was able to encourage employees to work third shifts,

work on holidays,

work overtime,

work on holidays,

bring work home,

work on weekends.

His ability is superior to that of any other director.

We were all watching him,

trying to figure out what he could do that we couldn’t.

He earned loyalty from his subordinates,

which we couldn’t do.

By now I know you have found the answer:

he always says “please” and “thank you”.

Are you satisfied?

That’s what he did.

Just a little bit of politeness can go a long way.

I think his subordinates don’t know this.

We ourselves did not find out for a long time.

Most of us say we always say “please”

and “thank you”.

But he always said this.

And every time you say these words, be honest.

A sincere and warm thank you has a huge impact.

This is also how you respond to compliments and compliments.

If someone compliments you on a job well done,

don’t be shy and stammer “nothing”.

This will reduce the meaning of their compliments.

It’s best to say “thank you”.

Never say “please”

as if to flatter or plead with someone.

Should say

“Can you please work past lunchtime

because we have to make a few phone calls.

You can leave a little early in the afternoon to make up for this time”.

Don’t stretch your voice:

“Can you please do more work.



Rule 4.8: No swearing

TTO – I know that we all swear.

I also know that you consider it stylish.

I also know we have to keep up with the times.

But honestly,

we’re not allowed to swear.

You can say whatever you want

when you get home or in your car.

But while at work,

don’t swear.

This is a very simple rule

but it works because there are no exceptions

– you can’t swear.

Do you have any other options?

The answer is absolutely not.

That is your most important thing.

You don’t swear and you’ll get out of delicate situations.

If you allow yourself to swear,

you will have to make many decisions and find choices.

I will be very surprised if you can finish your work.

For example,

you have:

* Swearing whenever things don’t go the way you want

* Swearing over the phone?

* Swearing in front of the boss?

* Swearing in front of customers?

* To the customer?

* Allow yourself to use certain swear words without using others?

* Swearing with blasphemous words?

* Allow me to use only “gentle” swear words or really vulgar words?

Rule 4.9: Be a good listener

TTO – I don’t mean you have to be a shoulder for everyone to sob.

In fact, it’s not really someone who can listen,

but just someone who lets people vent their suffering.

A good listener is someone who lets the speaker know

they are being heard.

You will do this by:

* Say sentences that encourage the speaker

to continue the conversation like

“um, I’m listening,

how’s it going…”.

* Proper posture:

tilt head to one side,

eyes wide open and look at the person speaking,

do not yawn

or look at the clock.

* Repeat some of their story to show you’re listening

– “Ah, it’s 3 o’clock on a Friday,

I get it”.

* Ask them to repeat information you don’t hear or don’t understand

– “Can you repeat something about Peterborough,

I don’t quite understand it”.

* Raise the question

– “They’re not moving to Gloucester now are they?”

* Take notes

– write some information as they speak

Why do you want to be a good listener?

Very simple.

You will have:

* More information

* Better understanding of what you should do

* Have information about what is happening around

* Being seen as a smart and agile person

* Being seen as someone who is in control of his or her work

If you don’t listen,

you won’t have any of the above.

If you listen,

let them know you are listening. This is simple.

Listening is a skill,

a special ability that you have to learn

and practice to have it.

It does not come naturally

or can be achieved in a day.

Think more about this and every time

you lose your mind while listening to someone else

– focus again.

Rule 4.10: Don’t say nonsense

TTO – To be successful and get promoted,

you need to build your image as a smart,





and experienced person at work.

In life,

sometimes just a careless

or misplaced word can destroy a lot of hard work.

So you need to avoid:

* Refers to a group of people

* Comment or tell disparaging jokes

to any group of people in the community

* Prejudice against women

* Show superiority

* Arrogant

* Lost undercontrol

* Profanity – see also Rule 4.8

* Complaints, complaints and gossip – see also Rule 4.1/2.3

* Revealing that you are interested in others

Make sure what you say has an impact

and doesn’t get lost in the office space.

Don’t chat about the TV show the night

before (nobody really is interested in that).

Instead, stay quiet and wait

until you have something interesting to say to everyone.

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