Chapter 1: Behavioral patterns
You must always tell yourself,
‘No matter how hard it is,
or how hard it gets,
I am going to make it. — Les Brown
Take a look at your mind.
When you cross the street,
do you focus on each step?
When you chew candy,
do you think about the candy?
When you eat rice,
do you have to think about digesting it?
When you go to sleep,
do you have to focus on continuing to breathe?
You don’t have to be conscious
when doing these things, do you?
You do it subconsciously.
We can say that our mind is like an iceberg.
The part we see is the conscious part,
and the larger part that we don’t see is the subconscious.
Our subconscious is responsible
for most of the results we achieve in life.
When there are repetitions in our lives,
it is the part of our mind that is responsible.
A lot of us have patterns of behavior that is,
old experiences or the same behavior over and over again.
Do you know someone who is always late?
I used to play tennis
with a guy who was always late.
We were going to play tennis before work at the Hilton.
I said to him,
“David, shall we play tennis at 7 a.m. tomorrow?”
He replied: “I will go there”.
“Did you hear what time?”, “7 a.m. I’ll be there!”
As expected, at 7:15 the next morning David arrived.
He gave the reason:
“My son borrowed my racket and put it under his bed”.
Next week too.
David arrived at 7:16.
The reason is:
“I only found one shoe!”.
The next week,
he arrived at exactly 7:15.
“My wife is sick and the baby is crying.”
And then the battery dies,
the power goes out,
the car keys are lost,
and the underwear is wet or left in the washing machine.
I ended up saying,
“David, let’s make a deal.
For every minute you’re late,
you have to pay a $1 fine.”
He was so humiliated that he never played tennis again!
David thinks he’s the victim.
He made no conscious effort to be late.
But subconsciously he has a program that says “you’re always late”…
and that program takes over his life.
If David happens to be up early and finds himself on time,
this inner program of his will have him hit a tree,
lost in a strange path.
And then he’ll take a deep breath
and say “Again – I’ll be late again!”
Maybe you know people with this pattern.
Their lives are a series of tragedies.
You meet them on the street
and accidentally ask them: “How are you?”,
you will immediately know that their cat has just died,
the car they just had to change,
their father accidentally did it house fire,
and they’ve just been diagnosed with some very serious illness you’ve never heard of.
Whenever their lives seem to begin to flow smoothly,
a voice in their subconscious whispers,
“Hey, it can’t be that easy!” and very soon, another tragedy struck.
They lose their jobs,
they have surgery,
they get arrested…
and everything is back to normal.
We’ll see what we can do with these patterns later,
and for now let’s identify a little more.
Some talented people have accidents.
All their lives they keep falling off ladders,
or crashing cars,
falling from trees,
getting electric shocks and being in car accidents.
I know an insurance agent in the first 20 years of her life
who has owned 5 cars since her 16th birthday.
She told me:
“Every time I buy a new car,
someone hits the back of my car.
After five accidents like that,
I don’t buy a new car just to be safe.”
Do you know anyone who has this model?
Some people have 20 colds in a year.
Some people get sick every time there is a big event.
Some people get sick every Monday morning.
Some people like clutter.
They didn’t do it on purpose
but their stereotypical inertia was too strong!
Their desks are cluttered,
their files cluttered, their hair shaggy.
If you go after them and pack everything up for them,
then within 20 minutes,
their bed and their car,
their lunch box,
it’s all over again like a hurricane.
Have you ever met someone who is always out of pocket?
It’s not what we get into
but we create it for ourselves!
People with this form follow an automated program.
Whenever they have change,
they find somewhere to spend it.
It’s like you have an itch and have to scratch,
they have money and have to spend it.
(If you’re a businessman watch out for a heart attack!)
You have power over your mind – not outside events.
Realize this, and you will find strength. — Marcus Aurelius
Often they never realize what’s going on!
They think it’s the economy, the government,
or their salary that is not satisfactory that has made them miserable.
But if you double their wages,
they’ll be out of pocket too!
In fact, the reason lottery winners often run out of money is
because their internal stereotype says,
“This money isn’t right.
It doesn’t make sense.
It should be spent on something.”
Model is not replaceable
If you fell into this pattern,
you would think that
as soon as you hit the road for a 3-minute sabbatical,
your office will be a mess
and all your employees will be very upset.
If we have this pattern,
our belief systems
and attitudes will help us create and maintain that situation.
We always believe that
as soon as we leave it will all go to hell.
Job change form
A friend who was thinking about changing jobs came
to me recently and said,
“This company is making me stomp my feet,
our products are not good enough
and I can’t afford the rent.” .
I asked, “How long have you been doing this job?”
He replied: “Two years”.
I said, “So what about the previous job?”
“Two years,” he said.
“What about before that?”
“And before that?”
“About 24 months”.
I said, “So what’s the problem
– you or the company?”
He replied, “By me!”
I said, “If it’s you, why change companies!”
When you cannot control what is happening,
challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what is happening.
That is where the power is.
Storms make trees take deeper roots. — Dolly Parton
During our conversation,
I told him about a friend of mine who changed jobs five times in the past 11 months. ”
Actually, I’d bet all my fortune that she won’t be in her current job next year.”
That afternoon she called and told me she had quit her job! Indeed,
I would not have risked it if I dared to bet like that!
Now she tells me she is very happy so we cannot say this model is good or bad.
It’s simply helpful to realize that we’re acting on a pattern.
There is another model.
It was: “Humans are evil,
life is terrible,
why is this happening to me, I wish I could die!”
Obviously we have a tendency
to create our circumstances and this is no fun!
Sample “I just make a living”
For this pattern,
conscious and subconscious thinking limits us
to a situation where life is a fight and we just “survive”.
Are you related to any of the above samples?
Sample “I always miss opportunities” (no time)
It manifests in the assumption that we are born,
go on vacation
too early or too late!
We are always in the right place at the wrong time!
In the same way,
we have real talent but the teacher is not good,
or we have the wrong talent,
or the good teacher,
the talent is not there to detect our gift….
The “other people always eat less of me” pattern
Do we need to say more?
We started by looking at some negative patterns.
However, there are positive patterns that you can have.
“I’m always healthy” template
Our state of health is determined
by the program we make for ourselves.
It tells you who you are
and what will happen to you.
Do you know someone
who “Always be in the right place at the right time?”
They invest in businesses when the opportunity comes
and they sell their houses right
before the detention house is built next to their house.
They go on vacation and meet the billionaires
who pay for their trips around Europe.
And you think “How did they do that?
I wish I was half as lucky!”
Being in the right place at the right time is an example.
What about the
“Where do I make a lot of money” model?
Some people are like that!
Or “When I buy something,
I can also pay the price?”.
(and the opposite of it is “I’m being eaten all the time!”)
Other patterns are “I believe in people and they always treat me well”
and “what I do is always fun and easy”.
Let’s just assume you want to follow good patterns.
What about the patterns you don’t want to follow?
So we have to ask ourselves:
“The damn patterns I’m stuck on when will they change?
When will they stop?
The answer is:
“Life changes when we change!”
Change is always a challenge
Changing the template isn’t always easy,
but it can be done.
Wherever you are,
you can get where you want to be,
and see how through this book.
You should realize one thing right here.
As soon as we decide to change,
we encounter obstacles.
We are always challenged to see
if we seriously want to change.
Let’s say you decide to go on a diet.
This is the week
when you have to let go of the things that are not good for you.
Promise me you’ll always remember:
You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think. — A. A. Milne
It is this week that you receive many invitations to dinners,
cocktails or celebrations…
All changes are always challenging,
especially in the early stages.
Imagine you are used to eating modestly dressed.
When you put on your best suit,
you make it unbleached.
You can get oil spilled on your feet
as soon as you walk from the bedroom to the bathroom,
and in the best outfit!
“Well, that’s who I am.
I can’t change it”.
The truth is that you can change,
but the old pattern stays with you.
So how do we change?
First of all,
it must be understood that all change encounters resistance.
In short, be ready to face it.
Formation of behavioral patterns
We begin to form patterns of behavior
from the moment we are born.
When we were children,
we cried for many reasons:
we were thirsty,
wanting to be cuddled,
having trouble breathing,
wanting toys and so on.
When we cry, our parents think we’re just hungry.
So every time we want to satisfy our request for something,
just put something in our mouth.
So if you smoke, drink,
or eat a lot,
you don’t need to figure out where these habits come from.
When you’re frustrated,
or depressed, you think eating something
from the fridge will help you the most.
or drinking is partly the same conditioned response.
For the same reasons,
many of our present qualities are the result of past experiences.
In the early years of life,
we are open but our heads are empty:
we absorb information like a sponge.
Thanks to the first relationship with our parents,
we have great relationships later
and they influence our lives later.
Partly consciously and partly subconsciously,
we create behavioral patterns in our lives
that reflect the experiences we went through
while living with our parents.
For example, we:
– Relationships with people like our parents.
we work for bosses
who are exactly like our parents.
-Develop relationships similar
to those of our parents with other people.
If our parents are gentle
and caring, so are we.
But it could also be because we form a subconscious picture
from an early age that says,
“real men have to be tall,
dark, and quiet” (like my father).
Although we are not aware of these things on a conscious level,
we will find objects to fill in this picture.
Likewise, the nature of our relationship
with our parents creates its patterns.
If we were subjected to denial
or guilt as children,
we continue to associate with people
who see us as “bad” people.
If we are loved and encouraged,
we are more likely to associate with people
who treat us well and respect us.
In short, we attract the people we expect
and those around us will treat us the way we believe we deserve.
This is just a skimming of the surface.
However, seeing the problem as half-solved,
knowing your patterns
and their origins is essential.
We won’t be forever stuck with patterns of behavior if we want to change.
Old negative patterns will persist,
but not forever.
Always think positively about yourself
and your conditions
The mental principles for this are not easy,
but the rewards for them are great.
Always speak well of yourself
and act like you’re living the way you want.
You will create
new and happy models.
Listen to uplifting cassettes
and read books about success.
Learn from others,
you will rewrite the model you want.
Also, choose the “conclusions” in this book to remove the things
that bog your life
and reinforce the patterns that will move you forward.